Different dreams, one recurring person

[Ray39]

Hi there, I'm Ray.

The story
About when I was younger (I'm 39 currently), some 27 years ago my family moved from one area of town to another and in our new surroundings me and my younger brother met a lot of new friends. Amongst these youngsters was a girl, called Nancy, with whom I fell in love with from the moment I first saw her. While I never told her I loved her we grew older and by the time I was 17 I was still very much in love with her but was convinced of the fact this love was not a mutual thing because of her interest in a cousin of mine (he never liked her at all but thats a different story alltogether I guess..).

By that time a new girl came into town and while I was still deeply in love with my "elusive Nancy", I'd given up hope on her and me ever coming together, I did something really stupid because the new girl started some serious hitting on me which resulted in me and my first ever relationship. And all this while I was this kid always dreaming about meeting/marrying/growing-old (with) one girl only...

Now this first relationship wasnt all too bad i.m.o. at the time, I experienced a lot of exiting things first time, from kissing to other stuff.. (you know what I mean dont you).

By that time it became clear I had made some very bad judgements about some things. The one thing I never expected happened...Nancy was heartbroken from the moment I started the relationship with the new girl, totally depressed and smashed, and later when I heard about it, so was I...ashamed and still very much in love with her but without the guts to try and make up for it. In effect I never told her how I really felt about her and how sorry I was about it all. Time passed by and while leaving my first relationship behind instantly I totally lost sight of Nancy and after a couple of years and about a dozen relationships further down the road I learned that she and another boy (whom was also from "our youthgroup") were now engaged. An intriguing (and very painfull) detail about that was that the fellow himself told me in all glory how he "conquered her", a story he made me listen to for about more than two hours or so at that particular time (always wondered about that 'incident' because this same guy never spoke much to me before that time or after it).

My failure to get the girl which I thought that was meant for me has always haunted me, till this day even. 27 years have passed in which I had many relationships, all failures in one way or another (my current girlfriend I've met about 2,5 years ago) and with some years in between 'm. She's still with the conquer-story-teller-guy, her very first boyfriend, raising their teenage daughter and living their lives in peace.

Current facts (and "the problem?")
I lost sight of her over the years many times, once for about 10 years or so, but I could never forget her completely and will most probably think about what could have been for the rest of my life. I will always love her and every time or so when I see her (or her partner) its a painfull reminder of what could (should?) have been and is not. After each of such 'encounters' I'm occasionally depressed for atleast a few days, sometimes longer. Through the years I have learned to deal with these feelings more or less, also sometimes forgetting about her for a few months, deliberately putting her somewhere in the back of my head, but whenever I seem to have (succesfully) forgotten about her (and sometimes for months) she suddenly appears in my dreams haunting me all the same and leaving me depressed after waking up.

This "dreaming about her" is happening to me for many years now and till now I always considered these dreams as something my own brain was triggering. However lately I started to realise she always talks to me in these dreams and the settings are always very ordinairy, nothing one would expect from a dream, nothing abstract at all I must say. Another strange thing is, its as if 'something' dont want me to forget her and the dreams work like some sort of reminder. Now I'm the most down to earth person one could ever met but this seems all to coincidental to me as of lately. So I've started googlin' around on phrases such as "same person always recurring in my dream" yadda yadda (which also lead me to this board I must add).

I have found a lot of information about recurring dreams and/or recurring persons and now started wondering (badly!)..is she somehow contacting me ? are we somehow on the (how silly it may sound to one such as myself..*sigh*) 'astral projection' path or something like that ? She is always talking to me in those dreams, saying she loves me, even once telling me her partner (which is technically still her boyfriend..i guess) will die within 3 days after they get married (yea, strange message huh..). What do you folks think, could I be the one making this all up myself while I'm asleep (so, painfully, reminding myself again and again) or does this sound and seem like something else, something maybe some folks around here have also experienced in their lives involving certain people they know or were involved with in some way ?

Bottomline
Its been a long time now since I failed her (and myself) but honestly I dont want to have to pay for it for the rest of my natural days.. I do love her but at this point I really wish the dreams would stop, and let me be rather then keep haunting me, enough is enough.

See, some of you might laugh but to me its all dead serious and going on for a very (too) long (a) time by now. I would never want to rip their family apart just for my sake but if she is using some sort of astral projection (or whatever) to remind me again and again (whenever I forgot/forget about her) I just wish for her to stop at this point as it truly hurts.

Ray

[Ray39]

Now who's future do I have to predict to get some response around here ? (obviously just kidding but beginning to feel some serious doubts now about coming here with my 'little problem' in the first place...).

[aliceinwonderland13]

I so understand where you're coming from, Ray. You're not alone! It must be difficult to still live in the same area and see her from time to time! Well it's possible its something your subconscious is playing out for some psychological reasons..but personally I do think its that you're really meeting her on the astral plane. If thats what your gut tells you, I mean ask yourself if thats really what it is, not just what you want to believe. I have a similar experience dreaming about someone for 12 years on average of once a month; but I've never met this person in real life. I've always thought this person comes from the South(in the US) but recently I met someone for the first time who looks JUST like him, he happens to live 10 min away from me in London, what are the odds eh? Its early days yet to see whether or not he has some connection with my dreams, but anyway...its scary, how important this can be to you, isnt it? I believe in him, this guy in my dreams, more than I believe in my own existence.

Just be honest with yourself. You never know, it sounds to me like both of your souls want to be together so thats why you reach out in the astral plane; but you cant be together in this physical reality because of social 'norms'. Maybe you will be together in future, it might be tomorrow, or a month from now, even 30 years from now. When awake you feel a strong connection with her right?

[Ray39]

Hi Alice,

My guts has always told me these dreams arent just dreams but the truth of the matter is that so much time has gone by and on the few occasions we do meet eachother by accident she doesnt seem interested in me at all, its "hi, how are you" and "bye" and thats it. So my guts tells me things but the facts point out the opposite. The possibility she is actually sending me messages despite 'her uninterested behaviour' remains but she will never let anything 'shine through' at those rare occasions so who am I to make out/up anything of anything ?

I just want to be left in peace, can only hope the 'dreams' will stop eventually, no matter what the source of those may be, be it me making it all up myself or be it her seeking contact. We both are committed to someone and our lives arent that bad so its all for the better for the both of us to let it rest and leave eachother be. Its true I do feel connected to her in some undefinable way but I dont dare be sure its just me feeling like this or us being really connected, its way to vague in every way to be sure of anything. I just want to be really left alone by it all, I've endured enough during the years from then to now, love can be wonderfull but it can also let you suffer till the point life becomes a burdon instead of the gift it really is.

Thank you very much for your response.

Best regards,

Ray

[Josepha]

Originally Posted by Ray39

Hi Alice,

My guts has always told me these dreams arent just dreams but the truth of the matter is that so much time has gone by and on the few occasions we do meet eachother by accident she doesnt seem interested in me at all, its "hi, how are you" and "bye" and thats it. So my guts tells me things but the facts point out the opposite. The possibility she is actually sending me messages despite 'her uninterested behaviour' remains but she will never let anything 'shine through' at those rare occasions so who am I to make out/up anything of anything ?

I just want to be left in peace, can only hope the 'dreams' will stop eventually, no matter what the source of those may be, be it me making it all up myself or be it her seeking contact. We both are committed to someone and our lives arent that bad so its all for the better for the both of us to let it rest and leave eachother be. Its true I do feel connected to her in some undefinable way but I dont dare be sure its just me feeling like this or us being really connected, its way to vague in every way to be sure of anything. I just want to be really left alone by it all, I've endured enough during the years from then to now, love can be wonderfull but it can also let you suffer till the point life becomes a burdon instead of the gift it really is.

Thank you very much for your response.

Best regards,

Ray

What God binds together, no man can loose.

I am not saying that you and Nancy were "meant to be", only God knows that. Have you considered PRAYING to God over this? He will answer if you sincerely request to know. One way or the other.

I too seem to have missed the one, but then again I am not sure if God wanted me to be with anyone here on earth. Last year God showed me that there is one, and we will meet in Heaven, so that gave me peace. Meanwhile I must be about The Father's Business.

Then one other remark. You said that Nancy was utterly disappointed when you started with someone else, and I can imagine that she must have felt hurt. Such disappointment can often lead to mixed feelings, hate/resentment mixed with love. Although true love never fades, she might be hiding it by acting the opposite (desinterest) of how she feels (subconscious in your dreams).

If it is true love, then it is tested and maybe, just like me, you will meet in Heaven, consider that this earthly life is a mere test for the real life hereafter.

My advice is to pray fervently to God asking Him to give you clarity.

God Bless You With Clarity.

[Ray39]

Well, she still keeps appearing in my dreams, last night I had another one of these dreams and it brought me right back to where I dont want to be again.

But something is different now as I saw my brother this afternoon, after I asked him a few questions regarding Nancy ("do you ever see Nance these days" etc.) and then he confessed something which almost made me go into tears. It seems she had a conversation with my brother about 20 years ago or so in which she told him she always had a soft spot regarding me while not knowing why that was. According to my brother this was about twenty years ago when she allready lived with the man she is sharing her life with still.

I surely wished my brother would 've told me this 20 years ago but Nance made him swear he wouldnt tell anyone about it and especially to keep it from me.

Now, by the minute I'm getting more convinced of the fact it is her triggering these dreams by visiting me, probably not in a conscious state but it happens. I'm also pretty sure she still has that soft spot concerning me just as it is the other way around. This really complicates things as we are about forty years old now, have our own social lives etc..

It hit me like a brick after learning the truth about her "ancient" feelings for me. So the girl that I think of as my one true love is in fact just what I have always wanted her to be..my stupid stupid brother!!

I really dont know what to do with all these facts, I dont want to upset my girlfriend and I dont want to ruin the lives of another family (i.e. Nance's).

Life sucks!!!!!!

[pikka]

Contact the girl you schmuck. Politely of course.

[Ray39]

Originally Posted by pikka

Contact the girl you schmuck. Politely of course.

I will as obviously I dont seem to have any choice in the matter, its either that or suffer like this for a lifetime. I never spoke to anyone about this but last night I also told my girlfriend about it, for the sake of honesty and as I'm also determined to finish with this once and for all. At the risk of making a complete fool of myself I will go up to her (Nance) and point out to her this particular thread as it explains it all really.

Most of all I just wanna move on and live my life in peace, its been driving me nuts for a long time by now and honestly I´m very tired inside. I have been in love for more times then I care to remember but the truth is they were never her..and the depressions because of it have been exhausting me. I have really tried to escape from these feelings, which are so ancient that it seems ridiculous I still experience them just as if it all happened yesterday, but I am not able to, atleast not by myself.. Chances are it is all true and we really do meet on 'the astral plane' from time to time but then again chances are its all just a figment of my imagination and all this time my unconscious mind is playing weary tricks on me.

Regards