Nightmares about my son dying

[kal32205]

I'm 23 and my son is 3.5. When I was pregnant with him, I kept having nightmares that I had a miscarriage. One of the dreams, the fetus got out of me and crawled across the floor, so I put it in the overn to keep it warm while I called 911. The operater thought it was a prank and I begged them to come but they wouldn't. I went back to the oven and my son had burned to death. I felt the same way I would feel if it were possible for this to happen. Grief, thinking it wasn't real, praying to God to give me the baby back, etc.

I had a dream one time that I went in to pay for gas and left my son in the car (which I have NEVER done). I was waiting in line while a customer argued with an attendent. Long story short, someone jacked my car with my son in it, I searched for him and found him upside down in some bushes, still in his carseat but his neck was snapped and he was dead.

Several dreams of walking in the bathroom to find his body floating in the tub, drown to death.

Dreamt that my mother and I took him to a park by our house with a pond. I went to go to the car the get something and left him with my mom and as I came back I watched him running off towards the pond. I tried calling my mom but she's hard of hearing and he got to the pond before I could get to him and he drown.

Another dream that my family and I lived in a house on a bridge. Yes, a big bridge. A storm came, flooded the bridge and took my son away in the water.

Another dream that me and my son lived in a dorm and I went to grab something and came back and he set the room on fire, the building was evacuated I ran to get to him, people were trying to stop me but I broke through and found him laying on the ground, burnt to death.

Had a dream my parents called me and told me I needed to come say my goodbyes to judea (my son) that he was in the hospital and he wasn't going to live. The dream is of me and my boyfriend getting lost on our way to the hospital and found out the doctor performed last minute surgery that saved him from some gastrointestinal disorder. Don't know where that one came from.

Last night had a dream I was on a plane giving a speech on why you should always watch your kids, they could be gone in a minute. Judea ran and jumped off the plane. I ended up back at the house, going insane, bashing my head into the wall and ripping my hair out. My boyfriends mom ended up finding where his body landed, brought him in the room wrapped in paper towells. His neck was snapped, head was caved in, mouth open with tongue hanging out, eyes weren't there, body completely unrecogniable. I did mouth to mouth and brought him back to life as if it never happened.

Had a dream that I wasn't in. I was kinda watching a "movie" so to say. My sister took him to the pool. She went under water to play with him. She came up and he was already out of the pool, hovering over the deepend and had taken his floaties and life jacket off. He said, "Aunt Shaaaaannnonnnn. JUMP!" And she screamed "NOOOO!" but it was too late, he dove in and drowned.

The list goes on and on, there have been literally hundreds of dreams about him, all with these same themes. I have always been a vivid dreamer and while I do still have the occasional weird dream, these were all very realistic. Cause me to wake up in a panic trying to catch my breath, feeling out of it and just crying. It's affecting my life now. I can't stand to see my son die everynight. And that's how it feels. It feels so real it's like my son dies every night. The emotions I feel are exactly those of what you would imagine a grieving parent would experience. It's unbearable. I am not on ANY kind of drugs or medications, VERY rarely drink alcohol and always in moderation. Probably drink once a month now. I am under a little stress. I have recently discovered my son may be autistic. But these nightmares about him have been going on since pregnancy. But it has put such fear in me that I am scared I might really lose my son. WHY on GODS GREEN EARTH would I be traumatized every night with these nightmares. No one else understands them or takes them seriously. They just say, "You're crazy" in a laughing kind of way. No one can even begin to understand how these nightmares are affecting me. I feel I may need therapy but now I'm even scared not to have these dreams because i'm starting to feel they are a warning. They happen EVERY NIGHT. No exaggerations. I'll maybe have one night out of the week that I dream of something else. But I do dream every night, I do remember all of my dreams and 9/10 of them are now nightmares of my son dying. PLEASE someone explain this to me. I have no one else to go to for advice on this. No one I know even dreams as much as I do. They think it's crazy for me to dream every night, I always thought it was normal. Whatever. Please someone help.

[mysteriousdreammer2005]

It sounds like a typical motherly instinc. Most newer mothers tend to think that something bad is going to happen to their children. They want to do all that is possible to keep the kids out of harms way which, again, is a typical motherly instinct.

Believe me. I am not a mother yet and I have dreams of my children getting hurt and just like you I can't prevent it from happening. I have had dreamed where my ex boyfriend (who threatened to kill me along with friends and family) said that he raped me and that my 3 year old was his child when in turn it wasn't. And just remember that it was a dream that I had. Not the ex boyfriend wasn't a dream. So that's the only thing that scars me at this time.

Just remember that they are dreams and try to kee an eye on your child and pray that that sort of thing DOES NOT happen to your kid. I'll be thinking about you and I hope that you and your family stays safe.

[rmahil]

Fear NOT, Kal.

Pray ALWAYS~

One Universal Creator God. The Name Is Truth. Creative Being Personified. No Fear. No Hatred. Image Of The Undying, Beyond Birth, Self-Existent. By Guru's Grace ~ Recite
True In The Primal Beginning. True Throughout The Ages.
True Here And Now. O Nanak, Forever And Ever True. ||1||

[elzie]

kal32205, I know how you feel. I have also had frequent and terrible dreams about my now eight month old son. I have employed a few tricks recently that have reduced the dreams (which I'll outline below) but just had another bad one last night which is why I got on the internet to see if I could figure out why they are happening. So I don't think it is something that I'll ever get completely out of since I am a sort of worrier person by nature anyhow.

First thing that I did that helped enormously is I stopped reading/watching the news and visiting news sites (well, except the entertainment ones If you do go to look at weather, etc. on news sites, try to set it up so you can access what you want without even seeing any headlines. All the crime, particularly child centered crime, was having an impact on me and I was having nightmares related to what I had read, sometimes many months later!

Another thing I did was set aside sometime in the evening to look at pictures or scrapbook to make happy memories that would be in the top of my mind.

My baby was also very fussy at first, and I got on a forum to talk about my frustrations. Sometimes I thought that maybe my internal desperation to make him stop crying was manifesting itself in the dreams that he had died. Make sure that you have an outlet somewhere for venting about the day to day grind so that you don't feel like you have to bed with the weight of the world on your shoulders.

I hope that these help...try to think of these dreams as something with a positive side. You will be a creative, vigilant and loving mom because you sometimes dream about the worst that can happen!

[Jennings]

Your concern is natural except by its extremity. You evidently have a highly over-protective instinct which probably is causing those dreams. To be protective is natural but to be over-protective could have consequences like smothering your child's developing personality which would not be in etither of your interests; he has to learn to defend for himself at the earliest possible stage to life and, paradoxically, requires the space to do so. You have got to have the courage to stand aside and observe him without, wherever possible, intervening or interfering. He has to develop the toughness to face life's stressors and this can come through nuture as well as nature but the right nuturing will bring to the full his potential. To smother him with protection in the name of love will serve only to inhibit his maturation. What I would suggest that your dreams are highlighting is exactly this feature; it is as if your inner-self knows what you are doing and its consequences and is attempting to make you aware of this danger. Try to provide him with the space and freedom to develop at his own comfortable pace and you will not regret doing so. Simply observe and enjoy watching him grow into the man that you would like to see him be.

If you were growing prize blooms for a horticultural show what would you do to get the best flowers? You would clear the weeds from around the plants providing them with the freedom to grow to their full potential. In life, weeds are all the 'nos' and other prohibitions that are placed in the way by adults in the mistaken belief that they are somehow protecting their child or teaching it a lesson but only the child knows best what lessons it needs to learn; or have we forgotten what our childhood's were like and the incessant interferences by our parents?

[Wolfjk]

Hi Kal,
It is not normal to have that many bad dreams about your child. Prhaps there is an indication in your post that you may have sleep apnoea. It is a condition that wakes you up often. If you're a bit ovrweight that would make it worse.

Cause me to wake up in a panic trying to catch my breath

The above passage might indicate that you stop breathing every so often in sleep and feel breathless. Hove someone watch you while you sleep. If they notice you breathing heavy and stop breathing for a few seconds every so often, you might need a sleeping aid.
However you should not worry about your child your dreams are about what is happening to you in the sleep.
Cheers Wolfjk

[idgy]

Don't worry, I think this is a dream that many mothers have. I have similar dreams about my little girl. Before she came along, I dreamt about protecting my bunny rabbit. I think alot of the time our greatest fears play themselves out in our dreams. Try not to worry about the dream by thinking it is a premonition, as this will probably make you dream about it all the more.