Grandmother dying & refused help

[mysteriousdreammer2005]

The other night I drempt that I was visiting my grandmother. Except I wasn't at her house or mine. She fell to the floor and I ran to grab the phone and came back to give her CPR. My granmother kept telling me (while I was on the phone with the 911 operator) that she was a DNR (do not resesitate) and I kept asking her to allow me to help her so that she can say good-bye to the rest of the family.

Can anyone please help me with this?

[mysteriousdreammer2005]

Can anyonw please help me understand what the meaning behind this dream please? I am curious about what is could mean.

[IrisRavenstar]

Hi mysteriousdreammer,

Is your grandmother actually ill as far as you know? Does she actually have a DNR? Have you had psychic connections with her in dreams in the past? It could simply be you are picking up on her fears if she is not well. I did that a lot with my stepfather, who was sick with cancer for about twelve years, and it kept going in and out of remission. I personally would probably have a DNR in place if I were very sick, and would hope it would be honored, because I'm not afraid of dying, just of what I might have to go through to get there! Death itself holds no fear for me anymore. I see it as a doorway, that's all! Saying goodbye might not be as important as releasing her from pain and suffering, if that is part of the picture.

It could also, of course, be a precognitive dream. It's hard to tell sometimes!

Have you talked to her much lately? Does she ever talk about these kinds of things? Maybe she would like to hear from her grand daughter? Just a thought...

Take care...

[mysteriousdreammer2005]

Yes, my grandmother is sick with cancer. I do not know if she has a DNR on her will. I do talk to her alot but I don't see her a whole lot due to her living in Florida and me living in Arizona. Even though she has cancer and that I will miss her dearly, I want her to do what she feels is right. I know that we can't live forever but I want my grandmother to be happy with her decision. As far as I know, she went into remission and last I heard, she had a small peice of cancer when she went back in.

[IrisRavenstar]

Originally Posted by mysteriousdreammer2005

Yes, my grandmother is sick with cancer. I do not know if she has a DNR on her will. I do talk to her alot but I don't see her a whole lot due to her living in Florida and me living in Arizona. Even though she has cancer and that I will miss her dearly, I want her to do what she feels is right. I know that we can't live forever but I want my grandmother to be happy with her decision. As far as I know, she went into remission and last I heard, she had a small peice of cancer when she went back in.

Okay, now I see. When my stepfather had cancer, he kept going in and out of remission. Back in 1996, just prior to my mother's death, he had been told he only had a year to live. My mom told me that during her own illness. In actual fact, he fooled them, and kept going into remission, and didn't die until August 1, 2007. He outlived his prognosis by about 10 years, and he spent a full life during the remissions, traveling to islands south of Florida, biking around Naples, Florida, where he lived, painting his seascapes, and growing tomatoes full time in a cart he built to follow the sun. He said he loved tomatoes, and that vegetables were helping him beat the cancer. I'd tease him about being Popeye with his spinach!

During the time of his illness, I dreamed repeatedly that he was dying, but of course, never with any dates or anything. But I came to understand that many of the dreams were not so much precognitive, as they were me picking up on his emotions, either about how sick the chemo was making him so that he wished he could just die and get it over with, or how fearful he was that he was going to die. All kinds of things came through.

It may be that if your grandmother has a new growth of the cancer, she is making plans, like making sure she has a DNR. Maybe, too, she's scared about whether anyone will be available to help her if she needs help, if something like a serious fall and broken bones occurs. I know when my ex's wife went through cancer treatment, one problem she had was falling and breaking bones, poor thing! At one time she had both arms broken in differnt places. Her skull was broken. Somehow, the chemo made her bones very fragile and also affected her balance.

But the point is, you may not be picking up on her dying right away, so much as on her feelings about this new cancer growth and the need to treat it, and what she wants to have happen if it doesn't go back into remission. You may also find yourself having dreams about estate planning and things like that, that are probably just her mulling it all over.

I wish all the best for her, and YOU! It's a hard time to go through for anyone, for sure. Are there family members down there near her? My brother and his wife lived near my stepfather, and also my mother when she died, so I didn't have to worry that they had someone there to help, you know? But I know the problem when you're in a different state, as I live in Connecticut.

Well, in any case, take care, and probably the best thing is to keep calling at times, and maybe send a cheerful card on occasion if she likes those. My stepfather didn't like cards much (none of my family do, really, including me), but if I sent one, he'd call me! So I did sometimes just so he could call on his schedule instead of me waking him up!

All best...

[mysteriousdreammer2005]

My aunt lives across the street, and she has 2 other friends that live next door to her. My mothers' mom lives about an hour away from this grandmother that has the cancer. Other then that, the rest of the family lives in different states.

I really don't like the idea that we all live so far away from her. Only because I saw my mother go through the cancer, and my mothers' sister. Now my friend and my grandmothers daughter are going through chemo as well at this time.

[IrisRavenstar]

Hugs to you MysteriousDreammer,

I have lost a lot of people I love to cancer, so I know what you're feeling, and being a family that's scattered all over the U.S., it's not possible to be as helpful as we'd like to be, is it? It's the way families are nowadays though, and rather sad. My family shows up sometimes in dreams as places on a U.S. map, because we are that scattered, that I know from that who is intended, which is rather strange! It's good at least your aunt and her friends are right there. She has people she can call if there's an emergency, people who probably check in regularly. And I'm sure she's given them contact information for your mother and you.

Take care...

[Manticore]

Hey, I had a very similar dream, only my grandmother had already past away.
I was raised by her since I was young, and I was with her through most of her last days, The night she had died, nobody told me, but I started crying and felt horrible, I knew something had happened. What horrified me was a few days later, I had a dream I was in the kitchen with her, and I was killing her with a club, hitting her over and over again! When I woke up the feeling I had was so horrible, I cant think of a word to describe how I felt, but I was disgusted.
what would cause a dream like that?

[IrisRavenstar]

Hi Manticore,

There are actual stages of grief that we go through when someone dies, and one of those stages is anger. We feel abandoned by the loved one, as if they could have stayed if they'd wanted to, which of course, they probably could not. But emotions are not logical, so we feel that way for a time anyway. Being your grandmother, I imagine you were still quite young and attached since she raised you. You were simply expressing your anger in a safe way in a dream. It's actually a normal response, and once the anger is expressed, a person moves on to other stages until they come to terms with the death. It does not in any way mean you're a horrible person!

[Manticore]

Originally Posted by IrisRavenstar

Hi Manticore,

There are actual stages of grief that we go through when someone dies, and one of those stages is anger. We feel abandoned by the loved one, as if they could have stayed if they'd wanted to, which of course, they probably could not. But emotions are not logical, so we feel that way for a time anyway. Being your grandmother, I imagine you were still quite young and attached since she raised you. You were simply expressing your anger in a safe way in a dream. It's actually a normal response, and once the anger is expressed, a person moves on to other stages until they come to terms with the death. It does not in any way mean you're a horrible person!

Thanks Iris, thats exactly what I needed to hear.