Playground, Trapped, Clown

[SleepScared01]

OK, so, this is hard to even type, where to start. um... well i have a fear of clowns which I've had since around the age of 11 and its not unusual to have nightmare about them or even day-mares, like dosing off and seeing people around me turn into them. nightmares are my thing, i have so much trouble sleeping, i'm typing this at 1.20 am... i have a son and this one particular dream is affecting me so much that i had to get my mother to baby sit so i could try and catch up on some sleep, which sadly didn't work as well as i planned.

I don't ever actually remember entering the nightmare, I'm just like there, not sure how i got there. I'm looking out through a chain linked fence, out into an empty street, i know where i am and I'm already scared, I'm scared as i type this. i don't want to turn around because i know whats there, if it changed at all its only the colours of positions of things. so i already have tears in my eyes looking out through the fence because i know I'm trapped and no-one would dare come near this place. I'm in an abandoned playground, i turn around and dust rises from the dirt, its that dead. there a broken wooden seat bench. there is a swing seat, one missing and then other one just swings, no sound from it at this time all i can hear is myself. the rest of the playground is a mess, rusted bars, broken metal. There's stairs up onto the playground and i climb up them and look around. the high chain linked fence surround the whole thing, i turn slow toward the gate, my heart pounding and almost to scared to do it and then there he is.

its also hard at the present to write about him, my hearts pounding. Ok, so he's there looking at me, painted white face, fuzzy red hair, big red nose, and he looks scary and soooo angry, then he smiles really evily and say "dare to come near and i may let you leave" i quickly slide down the slide and walk right away, trying not to trip, scared he will follow he never does. i just hear him laughing and im crying again as i reach my starting point and i scream so loud, always yelling for help, but theres no-one, there's never anyone.

oh god i sound like a bloody nut job

through out the whole nightmare i get flashes of how i actually came to be in the play ground. in the flashes I'm like 6 years old and happy, talking to a clown. then in another where walking hand in hand and he's pointing at this fantastic looking playground and I'm happy. then I'm in the playground and he laughs as he watches me take in what it really looks like, all dead and stuff.

the whole thing is just so crammed into my mind i find it hard to think about other things. i have been writing it down hoping to figure it out, but this and another night mare have me really feeling scared to sleep.

i really need some help, i've already been in hospital due to getting sick which was mostly accounting to my sleep deprivation