A clown, a twin, and a confused girl

[jtel]

So, I dream a lot. Most of my dreams are extremely vivid and breathtaking (like I'm doing acrobatics through the rafters of a long, tall building with giant waves that lick at my heels as I flip along), or they are extremely vivid and terrifying. There is one that keeps coming back, and I wake up hating the fact that I have gone to sleep. Before I start retelling the dream, there is violence, gore and disturbing situations that follow, and a Joker phobia is present and probably the reason for this dream, so....

I wake up on a hard concrete floor, feeling like I’m coming out of a drug induced coma. My heart is pounding in my ears and it looks as though the room is reeling before my eyes. There is only one window, and from where I am on the floor, it looks as though I’m in either a large warehouse or a basement to a large building. I look down at my ankles and see there are ligature (rope) marks which have left scrapes along the skin. I can see I’m not wearing what I remember putting on the day (what I was wearing I’m not sure, but I just get the feeling), instead I’m just in a mans shirt, which is pooling around my shoulders, exposing various cuts and bruises along my collar bone. Slowly, I get onto my feet, after stumbling and hitting the wall a few times. Looking around, I can see a large purple couch with a glass coffee table and a camera and tripod before it. I try to walk over to it, but suddenly a hand wraps around my throat from beside me, crushing my airway and sending sparks before my eyes. And that laugh...it seems so calm and dark, making my heart pound heavily and my hands tingle: I know it’s the Joker....I can feel his eyes borrowing into my skull like bullets. Violently, he jerks my head sideways so I’m forced to look into his eyes with my cheek against my shoulder. "Hello my dear. We have work to do." he then grabs the back of my neck and flings my with huge force onto the couch. All of a sudden, the warehouse lights come thundering to life. I’m temporarily blinded, which gives the Joker time to turn on his camera and take a seat at my side. Once my vision has cleared, I can see in a huge mirror behind the camera and its hooded operator. My reflection reveals a matte white face with red lips and scars identical to the Joker's (only softer and curled into swirls at the tips) and blackened smoky eyes. Atop my head is a jester’s hat with bells at the tips. He laughs and takes my chin into his hand, turning my head from side to side as if examining me. He laughs and throws my face to the side. I can see the "record" light is shining from the camera. All I can see from the operator is the bottom of her face, which has scars that match mine. He begins to talk and gesture to the camera, but I can only hear his voice muffled, like there are two paper cups over my ears. I look down at my hands and notice they are covered in blood and the bottom of the shirt is stained an almost black red. There is a bloody razor blade in my right hand. Suddenly, my head snaps up to look at my reflection. Its head is tilted to the right and is smiling so that her eyes are wide and almost all her teeth are showing. Slowly, she starts to cut "JJ" repeatedly into her forearm. I look down and see that my right hand is carving the same thing into my left forearm. I try to stop, but it’s as though I have no control over it. This goes on for what feeling like hours but was probably 2 or 3 minutes. Then I can hear him again. The Joker is standing behind me and the couch, taking my head and throat into his hands, choking me once again. I can see his smiling wildly as he laughs before the camera. Its operator comes in for a close up of my face. "Now, mommy and daddy best comply, or sweet, sweet Jen (that would be me) will never see the light of day again!!" both he and the camera operator laugh wildly. I’m starting to black out now. The camera operator throws off her hood, and there’s no mistake that she is me, smiling wickedly down at me. She walks round behind the couch to the joker’s side and he snakes his arm around her waist as they stare out the window. For about three minutes, he continues to choke me with one hand and stare out the window with my "twin". She then shakes her head and smiles as he kisses her, and then lowers his head beside my ear and hisses "mine" before slitting my throat, leaving me to bleed out on the couch as he continues to kiss this twin of mine. The last thing I see is the JJ carved into my arm

This is where I wake up shaking, crying, or sweating profusely. I don’t know if there’s any significance to it or is just my minds way of distressing. Whatever it is, it comes back to kill me at least once a week. Afterwards I can’t sleep; I just lay there for hours replaying the scenario over and over in my mind.

[Zuludawn]

I think you have to deal with this Joker phobia that is clearly right smack in the middle. Why do you think you have the Joker fear? And please don't say it has anything to do with Batman (just "joking")