I really need to get rid of this dream...please help

[Silent_wisp]

I posted this in another forum, but id like your insight aswell...

im running up and down the stairs in castle as though im looking for something. I walk into a long, green corridoor and i see a door which is covered with cobwebs. Its unlocked so i venture inside... its empty but the door slams shut behind me. I trun around and there is someone there, kind of a demon, but not at the same time. I cant really describe what it is. I pushes me and i fall and hit my head. I feel the impact of the blow and feel blood tricking down my face.
He kneels on my chest and i can feel his breath which is really cold. I try to wriggle free but hes trying to take my clothes off. I kick him, bite him, but nothing has an affect. He gets my trousers and underwear off and rapes me. This part was so ****ing real, i could feel everything. Eventually he goes away and locks the door behind him.
Panicking i try to get the door open, i try kicking it, shoulder barging, nothing works. I panic, start clawing at the door until my hands bleed. eventually i give up and pull a knife (from nowhere ) and cut my arms and legs with it. I have no hope left, so i try to slit my throat open but i wake up before i actually do it.

I was raped when i was 13, but i dont know if thats what the dream is about. I mean it was 7 years ago. I think ive got through that know, thats behind me. I also self harm and im pretty sure the dream relates to that?

[Varzandeh]

Hi,
A corridor means your parents , green means honesty.
Cobweb means some sorrow and short of money.
Opening a door means achieving a wish,a demon means someone lier and deceiver.
As having sex with a known man means he will do a favor and an unknown man means achieving a wish.A rape means receiving an unwanted help or favor.
You cut your body members means your family will seperate and will be in different cities.
You cut your throat means you will have a problem solved.
Now that you know the symbols and the interpretation , you won't see this dream anymore.

Good luck.

[Amy08]

I think that it could very well relate to getting raped when you were 13 thats also why it feels so real. 7 years ago is not that long. I was sexually molested when I was 6 years old (15 years ago) and I very rarely think about it during the course of the day or week or month but there are always those times when I get creepy feelings about it or have a bad dream about it. Is there something that could be triggering the dream.......Have you saw someone recently that looked like the person who raped you......Has someone been pressuring you to do something you dont want to do? You have a lot of repressed feelings, Maybe you think you are over the rape or you want to be over it. Cutting or self harm is your way of releasing pain and other issues. I used to be a cutter and am proud to say that I have not cut myself in 3 years this June. I break down sometimes and think about it or Ill pinch myself until I bruise, Mostly I try to focus my anger else where (Cleaning) I will scrub and clean my house until there is nothing left of it, Try to find a healthier way to release your anger. You'll feel a whole lot better when you look down and not see a scar for every time you were angry in life, What will you look like by the time you are 50? 70?

In your dream you 'innocently' venture inside the door not really thinking but when the door slams behind you, you realize your mistake but are trapped. The room symbolyizes your self because even after the man/demon gets what he wants you are still trapped in the room. Your trapped in yourself and you cannot find a way to get out so you cut yourself hoping to release all the bad inside you. It sounds harsh but the sooner you realize that cutting will never help in the long run the sooner you can move on to things that will work. Best of Luck to you. I hope this helps some.

[hydrostone]

wow...i feal 4 u...

[Silent_wisp]

Amy- thankyou, that acually makes alot of sense. Thing is i try to stop cutting/burning what not but i diont know where to begin.

[Amy08]

Its hard to just stop self harming, its hard for most to understand but its almost like an addiction. People say OMG why would you do that?! but they dont understand the big picture. Its like smoking cigarettes, (which I have on and off for 3 years) I can stop for a while but then I just want one and one turns into more.....Anorexia or Bulimia, god I hate it when someone is like oh they just want attention its not really a disorder(for some it may be just attention), I've struggled with both since I was 12, Its like an addiction, I try to stop and I cant, I eat and feel sick, and on the way to the bathroom I ask myself why cant I just be normal, I look in the mirror and tell myself how disgusting I must be for doing this to my body. I got Married 2 1/2 years ago and Its like torture, my husband has sat next to me night after night and counted how many bites of food I eat, In the past he has made me drink weight gainer and so on. It really sucks and its exhausting. Ive been locked up for an attempted suicide, I was kept twice as long because they made me stay for the eating disorder that they enevitably noticed.

Bottom line is people dont understand what they have never been through. I haven't lived your life and no one has lived mine. I dont think my problem was ever that I just liked to cut myself and feel pain. I dont think my cigarette smoking is just because I want to smoke, And I dont think my eating disorder is for attention (no one even knows completely, my husband just thinks Im too thin)

Step back and look around you. Its something thats happening in your life that makes you do these things. Whats stressing you out? I dont know if you live at home but maybe its your parents? Your Brother (that was a big one in mine) He would actually threaten to kill me, has held a gun to my head because he didn't like the guy I was dating, I could go on and on. Maybe you feel stuck in life, like there is no way out of where your at. An abusive boyfriend? Husband? Maybe its a controling husband, boyfriend, dad?

I was told in counseling to make a list of what I wanted to accomplish by the next week, by the next month and by the next year. and to keep that list and check off everything as it went by. At the time I thought, Oh god how stupid how do I know what I want, So I didn't do it and my Psychiatrist hounded me and hounded me until I did, It can be major life changes or simple things, Make sure to include goals to get you there too. My list went somehting like this.......

1. Get out of the hospital
2. Work and save money
3. Move in with my Grandma (500 miles away)
4. Get back into college
5. Get a decent job
6. Save Save Save
7. Move into a rent home and or find a roommate
8. Be Independent

I slowly accomplished these things one by one and 3 years later Im sitting in a new city, Married to a wonderful man, raising two beautiful babies (his from a previous marriage) I run a home daycare and we live in a nice doublewide and are moving to a brick home in a whole new city in two days. If you set your mind right you can do anything, Set goals, work hard at them. Leave whatever feelings you harbor in the past. Its not easy but it gives you someting to work at and slowly the rest will fall in place.

First and foremost figure out what it is that makes you feel like cutting/burning and try to eliminate that. Im still in the process of accomplishing my goals because Im always setting new ones and one would be to try and help someone else, and in the process Im letting out feelings that I dont let any one see in real life. Its always easier to talk to someone that understands.

[Judith]

Even after we have dealt with all the emotions of trauma, we are never really finished with it. I agree with Amy08 - something is triggering you, something or someone close to you. And you will continue to be triggered for the rest of your life until every little mental and emotional detail of this traumatic event has been dealt with. That's the purpose of triggers, to help us heal. Of course it doesn't feel like it at the time. Unfortunately when you cut and burn yourself you are not healing. You are continuing the trauma. The only exception is, you are in control of it.

Something tells me you've never received proper psychological counseling for this. And you've never attended group with similar people who've experienced like-experiences. Furthermore, you've never received proper counseling for the cutting and burning either.

Counseling is not a one time event. It takes years and years of various techniques to work through trauma. Psychological counsel will only take you so far. You need a wide variety of counseling to help you through something this traumatic such as group, outreach, art counseling, music therapy, journaling, etc. No one practice is a cure. You need to combine them for effective healing.

The reason you keep having this dream is because you are not ready to explore, feel or communicate your true feelings. And I suspect you lack the proper type of support network to help you through this. Thus you feel trapped and alone in your anguish with no one to love you or support you through this. You are depressed and suicidal as a result.

I've spent a little over eight years now seeking various types of therapeutic help as a result of the abuse I suffered as a child and as an adult because when we don't get the help we need as children we go on to be our own perpetrators and injure ourselves. And why? Because we need control. Trauma takes away all the power of self and leaves you feeling powerless and without control. Cutting is your control. You control who hurts you and how. Thus you have become the demon in your dream. Originally it was the man who rapped you. But now it is you.

I don't know who you are, but I'm begging you - please get help. Go to a woman's shelter if you can't afford professional help. Call the kids help hotline. Talk to your guidance counselor and see if she or he can refer you to a professional group of people who can help you through this. Go online and see if there is such a thing as rape support. I know in my town we have a Sexual Assault Care Center. Perhaps there's one in your town or city too. There's also usually a rape crisis center in every town and city. Call them or go in and talk to someone. These people in particular understand what you are going through. Many of them have gone through it themselves.

Getting the courage to ask for help is going to be the hardest thing you've ever had to do because once again you're going to feel powerless and without control. You're going to feel powerless and without control because suddenly you're going to have to trust, and trust is the issue you're having the most difficulty with. As a result of what happened to you, you've learned not to trust anyone, including yourself. It won't be easy. But it will help you heal and it will help you to live with more freedom; freedom from guilt, fear, pain, and hopelessness.

The nightmare will end when you've finally learned to help yourself and seek the help you need and when you stop hurting yourself as others before have hurt you.