Murder? Missing people...

[WildCard]

My dream first takes place at a cottage over looking a small boxed in a lake. (boxed in is like when it has walls of blackness on the side and you can touch it) Theres me and two guys that I know, I don't exactly know who they are because their faces aren't exactly clear but I know them. We are just messing around in the water knee deep kind of just standing there, when a cute blonde girl around my age whom I don't know shows up. All of a sudden my mood changes from content to territorial and anger. The two guys notice that her and I are clashing right there and they just look at me with disgust. She tries to get digs in here and there with sly comments she makes to me and everytime I react to them the guys give me that look again. Eventually she starts attacking me as a person and my appearance, i'm getting more angry by the moment but once she starts bashing my appearance I just feel enraged I grab ahold of her and I just start punching her... Then all of a sudden her and I are standing on the dock and I grab her and throw her in the water jump in (its only hip deep) and I hold her down trying to drown her, when she quits moving my little sister appears at the shore...

My sister is 20 but she looks like she is 8 years old, I walk up to her and I notice how young she looks but yet everything seems it should be that way and I can protect her. When I go to look at what the two guys are doing and turn back to my sister she is gone but the blonde girl is standing there drenched ready for a round two, I get a horrible feeling almost like a sick feeling in my stomach that the girl did something to my little sister and I quickly grab the girl by the hair drag her in the water hold her down for a few bring her back up to gasp for air and choke - I like hearing her do that and then I push her back under water and snap her neck then leave her body there.

The two guys kind of take off and all of a sudden it seems like i'm at my house but its not my house. My parents are there and they are holding my cell phone questioning me about a missing girl and pictures on my phone of her being killed. Suddenly I remember that the whole entire time as I was trying to murder her I was taking pictures too... and its like I had a flash of memories of doing that - I quickly grab my phone from my dad's hand take the sim card and battery out and stick it in my pocket. Then take off.

I later go to a like estate sale which seems more like a flea market. I look at a necklace and it makes me think of my sister its really cute and I buy it thinking she would really like it but after I buy it I remember that she is gone, I stand there struggling with my feelings... Then I remember a loose end with the dead body in the lake and quickly search for some crazy old lady who likes grinding up things...

I meet the old lady at the lake, she is in a boat and i'm on like a weird flat boat. I throw the body on the old ladie's boat and she sticks the girl in the grinder but she doesn't grind the girl's arms neck or head and as the old lady shoves the body off her boat it sounds like she is singing "I can see your insides all falling out oh gooey guts, I can see your insides." as i'm watching the body sinking down to the bottom of the lake I am worried about cops and stuff looking for the girls body... the old lady should of grinded up all of it - if I hadn't of done this I wouldn't be worried though... I don't care though not about the girl, i'm only actually worried about myself.

Everytime I come into contact with anyone after this I feel like they know and they hate me. Like they thought I was a loose cannon and I just went too far... They keep looking for her but they don't even talk about how my little sister is missing. Soon more and more people keep coming up dead and missing and i'm just thinking "I didn't do that one..." but I feel people suspect that I did.

--- OK I dunno if anyone can really understand that dream, I tried my best to explain what happened. I woke up once during the dream because it had my stomach in knots but when I went back to sleep I started where I left off in it. I'm not a person who feels like alot of feelings either and when I woke up I was still shaken up abit, not about killing someone in my dream but like that I even cared that I did kill her... normally I wouldn't. The only thing that I was addressed with that I know for sure is that maybe if I don't try to control my anger that maybe its a possibility that I might go that far one day... I'm not sure if anyone has a idea let me know, thanks.

[melvincats]

Okay, let me give this a shot. I think you are very hard on yourself, jabbing and criticising yourself... this is what the mean girl symbolises. You are fighting her and trying to get rid of her means you are trying to be more loving and protective towards yourself. You feel that people are always looking at you and judging you as a bad person (symbolised by the boys) and you are rebelling against that feeling as well. You are starting to really care and like yourself. I believe your sister, the little girl, is actually you. You are trying to protect your young self, and wonder why no one else seemed to care that much about you when you were young (symbolised by no one seems to care that the young girl/sister is missing.) I think the old woman symbolises you later in life.. your grown up wisdom. You want her to get rid of (grind up) the mean girl's body...destroying the evidence. She is showing you you need to just let it go... let your feelings of dislike or inadequacy of yourself just float down to the bottom and let it go. Are their any weight issues/alcohol drug problems or self perception problems? You are trying to tell yourself that you are a good person, and should be kind to yourself.

[WildCard]

That actually sounds right on - actually it is. I'm kinda blown away, that all makes sense. In the past I have had drug and alcohol problems, I sometimes still use alcohol for an escape from reality and recently it feels like I am trying to fight everyone and everything to guard myself. Like i'm putting my foot down with all the BS and trying to put a end to it all but i'm still struggling with alot of emotions.