Friends with someone other than spouse??

[hazelflame]

I have a question..and would like any feedback on:

If Married & has small children is it okay to 'be "friends" with the opposite sex?' Now, I have heard the saying that when women view their partners to cheat it is--Emotional & Mentally. But when men view women to cheat it is done by--Physically.

Also, what if this opposite-sex-friend is an old friend from High School a few years back??

Any feedback would be appreciated!
thanks.

[RuneSybil]

I do not feel this is wrong...however, what is the context? Was your previous relationship with him friendship or more? Is your spouse jealous/possessive type? You have to do what you feel is right, and if you are feeling this is somewhat wrong, you should avoid it.

[Jennings]

It is difficult to advise here as much depends on the emotional maturity of those involved. In principle having friends outside of a relationship, of whatever gender should not be problematic but it is not as simple as this as one has to consider the feelings of one's partner.

People need space in their lives to provide them with a little freedom but when it comes to fraternising with the opposite sex the concern is that of opportunity and whether one is sufficiently strong or loyal to avoid temptation.

Some partnerships are accepting of extra-marital relationships while it would tear apart others. The bottom-line is that once committed to any relationship then one should care about the feelings of the other but here again, some partners are emotional vampires and cause misery to all and sundry and make life difficult for all who come into contact with them, so not easy to advise.

Typically, men will go to sporting events or to clubs or bars and expect their wives to remain domesticated at home and some wives accept this. Male partners should never abandon courting their wives; it is like renewing one's vows or keeping the love alive; this is essential to any relationship.

Whatever concerns you, you have my best wishes for a satisfactory resolution.

[hazelflame]

I guess Im trying to understand how a male partner can give his female partner his "All"...if he's giving his emotions & mentality somewhere else. Especially if when women view this as Cheating more than physical.

I'd like to trust my husband with his old 'friend' from high school...but were still working on showing his "emotions" towards me. I know he would be faithful as far as physical means goes, but I dont know about the other part. I know he loves me and he's never done anything like that--he just has issues with showing he appreciates me. I guess because when your married after awhile people think you don't have to try anymore since your already together.

Thanks for your responses.

[Jennings]

You have made your position a bit clearer and yes, you are right; you are the one who should be getting his attention and the affection and there should be no 'ifs or buts' about it. It sounds as if he is making the other woman feel flattered by his attention and this is having the opposite affect on you. Some men when they leave their mothers and take another woman, in effect, take on a substitute mother-figure which almost sounds as if this might be happening here. He will most likely not recognise and consequently will deny that he is doing this. His total commitment should be to you, his children, and his home; this is where his focus and priorities should be; anything or anyone else should be incidental and be nothing more.

[resin8love]

If your spouse approves of it and the relationship is frenidly it is acceptable. Are they married and does their mate know. Communication is the key. If you do something that makes your mate uncomfortable it's best to not do it.

[Varzandeh]

Hi,
Why a wise person would do something that she will be sorry for that and for her children.
Fire and cotton can't stay long together.

Good luck to you.

[hazelflame]

Huh,...why would she be Sorry for herself & for her children?? This has to do with the husband....

[Hannah1234]

I'm sorry to hear about your position! To be honest, im only 18 and obviously never been married but i have been with my boyfriend for a few years and even now this early on in our relationship i get a bit wary of his female friends.

I know i cant really give you any advice coz of the situations are different but the similarity stands. i nearly lost him because i was so wary of my own thoughts, he never shows me he cares but i know he does yet he seems to be able to show other women that he cares about them in a friendly sense. This is obviously infuriating and like you say the emotional cheating side of things can in some ways be more testing to a relationship then phsyical.

At the end of the day if you trust him to be faithful then try and find a way of coping with your doubts. Perhaps ask to meet her or if you have try and befriend her? It sounds a bit strange i know but we all doubt that someone can be 100% faithful both phsyically and emotionally. No one will ever be soley attracted to one person BUT communication is key. If it worries you this much then simply tell him your concerns in a way he will understand and know that you are not making accusations jus watching your back so to speak. If he loves you then he will understand and help you.

Hope that helps! Good luck!