Being the girl

[stcyrwm]

Had a dream this week where I was twelve and with a twelve year old girl. We were at a school basketball game. I did a session with my dream work therapist on this and my home work was to be in this place in the dream with this girl. I feel really loved in this place and as I have dropped into this home work I get that it is not about being loved by the girl but feeling the kind of love that she feels.

Warm regards, Bill

[Wolfjk]

Originally Posted by stcyrwm

Had a dream this week where I was twelve and with a twelve year old girl. We were at a school basketball game. I did a session with my dream work therapist on this and my home work was to be in this place in the dream with this girl. I feel really loved in this place and as I have dropped into this home work I get that it is not about being loved by the girl but feeling the kind of love that she feels.

Warm regards, Bill

Hi Bill,
Could you please give a bit more information about the substance of your dream. Perhaps you would be able to compare the interpretations you get from this forum with what you get at your therapy sessions.
From your posts it seems you lack confidence to share. What is your hang up?
Cheers Wolfjk

[Jennings]

How can you, as a male, possibly imagine how a prepubescent female feels; it is absurd and can only be mistaken supposition. You mention school, yet not teachers, but, rather a 'dream work therapist' providing you with guidance; this tends to reflect a dependent personality. The question that arises here is, why this need? Love arises from inside one's self and is not an external feature yet you appear to desire love and may feel that it is focused on females which may signify an uncertainty about your gender. Do you really feel, solely in your own interests, that you should be posting on this site or exposing those sensitive traits publicly?

[MichelleM78]

Originally Posted by stcyrwm

Had a dream this week where I was twelve and with a twelve year old girl. We were at a school basketball game.

I feel really loved in this place and as I have dropped into this home work I get that it is not about being loved by the girl but feeling the kind of love that she feels.

Warm regards, Bill

Do you mean the kind of love that she feels for you?

[stcyrwm]

Originally Posted by MichelleM78

Do you mean the kind of love that she feels for you?

No my work with this dream has felt different. I have had that kind of a dream in the past, where I feel loved by the person in the dream. Something shifted for me in working with this dream. I got a sense from the dream of what it would be like to feel the love more from the inside. To be loved the way that a child might feel loved instead of how I have been, always feeling that I had to do something to be able to "deserve" that love.
I like how this feels in my relationship where I still feel need for my partner but I don't feel so needy as I often have. Where if she is not in a space where she can meet my needs it may be disappointing but not such a big deal because of already having this feeling inside.

Sincerely, Bill

[Jennings]

You sure have a problem Bill that is unlikely to be solved on this site. You say this: "To be loved the way that a child might feel loved instead of how I have been, always feeling that I had to do something to be able to 'deserve' that love". You do realise that this is an indictment on your parents reflecting as it does poor parenting that verges on emotional rejection. Were you perhaps an orphaned child or something of that nature? I would suggest (in the absence of extreme deprivation) that feeling loved is not the problem but rather the feeling of not being appreciated or admired would seem more apropos. Are you able to distinguish whether this feeling you possess arises from your nature or from the nurturing you received? You do realise that probably all of us have to do something to garner appreciation and admiration and that it does not arise from being self-centered nor resentful nor hiding from the world; remember when you laugh the world laughs with you but, when you cry, you cry alone. Read the information on this site which may just help:

The story of a remarkable and versatile medicine that is being overlooked.

[MichelleM78]

Originally Posted by stcyrwm

Something shifted for me in working with this dream. I got a sense from the dream of what it would be like to feel the love more from the inside. To be loved the way that a child might feel loved instead of how I have been, always feeling that I had to do something to be able to "deserve" that love.

It sounds like you are referring to unconditional love. "Unconditional love is a concept that means showing love]] towards someone regardless of his or her actions or beliefs. In conditional love: love is 'earned' on the basis of conscious or unconscious conditions being met by the lover, whereas in unconditional love, love is 'given freely' to the loved one 'no matter what'. Conditional love requires some kind of finite exchange whereas unconditional love is seen as infinite and measureless. "- wikipedia

If this is what you are referring to then I feel truely sorry for you. Everyone should be worthy of unconditional love.

[Jennings]

Michelle, I wonder if I can simplify what you are suggesting without seeming to be impertinent. Conditional love is any situation where one expects the other to meet their expectations; this covers almost all relationships. Unconditional love is where one accepts the other, as the saying goes, with 'warts and all'! Mostly, there are only a very few people in one's life that one accepts unconditionally and those are truly friends. Your final comment about everyone being worthy of unconditional love surely is a tad idealistic or maybe I missed out somewhere in life.