Recurring Theme -- very complex

[lilolehs]

Any ideas why I'd have this really complicated dream... and why the recurring theme?

I don't remember the beginning. Something about a hospital and lab there. Very weird feel to it.

At some point I was in a building and the people there were living in a part of it that was, at one time, a very LARGE (and rather nice) deli. They were living off the food there. Someone gave me some very aged cheese, which was supposed to be really good. They were showing me around the place. One person had lots of old black and white photos of family hanging on a wall. I looked at the photos and remembered that my family had old black and white photos that I used to like to look at, and I wished I could have them. (in real life, my dad would not let us have access to anything from our childhood after my mom died). I was wondering if I had them, what would I do with them.

Then the dream changed and I somehow had them. There was a small album, a small pile of photos and a book. I guess that was all I had. As I looked at the book, I noticed it was a story or novel of some kind and on the paper cover (of the hard back) was an old black and white photo of my immediate family. But it was supposedly fictional and we all looked a little like German hillbillies (in real life, I guess that's what my family was before immigrating here).

I skimmed around in the book a little and it was filled with lots of pictures like that -- as if we'd posed for them when my family had just moved here (that was 50 years ago this year). I was really in awe of the fact that the photos almost told part of my dad's story -- hillbilly immigrant builds a giant house on a big piece of land -- only in the story, he built it for someone else (in real life, my parents bought the land and built it, then my mom died). It was freaky, because even the land looked like the land we had (60 acres).

Then the story morphed again, and I was on the land (in real life, my dad sold it after he deserted us). This is the part that's recurring. I end up on this land, looking at the house and then I end up somehow stuck there with someone trying to get me. It usually feels like there's something evil going on there, and I always seem to barely get off the property but never off the small eerie road there before I wake up suddenly, feeling very frustrated.

Anyway, I was on the land, but the house was very modern looking (not at all like it was built which is Tutor style). I thought someone might be upset that we were there looking at it since it wasn't our place. There were new buildings on it-- very large, expensive buildings. I also noticed there were lots of people coming, like they were coming to a wedding, so I figured they may not notice we weren't just guests. There was a chapel on the property, but it was bigger than a chapel. I went inside and everyone was very busy preparing for a big celebration. That's when I realized it wasn't a wedding but something warped and weird. There were SEVERAL cakes with replicas of some man from the waist up (life size) on top of them. Each one had him in a different pose (white suit) and there was some feeling of death around them. It felt very morbid and I began to realize I needed to leave now! Weird -- bright colors like a wedding, but something was awry.

Right about the time we (whoever we was) figured that out, we were noticed and someone came at us with a knife. The rest of it was us trying to escape and get off the property and being chased. There was even a big fenced in air field on there. Somehow we managed to get their attention off of us and onto an airplane that had taken off and had some sort of trailer attached to it.

Then I woke up trying to play out my escape in my mind.

Any theories?? I can't imagine why my dad was in my head, except that I had spent the evening with a couple from my childhood that has adopted me as their daughter. They were family friends, and the subject of my dad came up for only a few seconds. In fact, while I was talking about that, I remember thinking I really didn't feel any sense of hurt or anger toward my dad anymore. Then we went to a play that reenacted some old hollywood characters (the Marx brothers).

[Wolfjk]

Hi Liloleth,
Sometimes you have a complicated dream for the simplest of reasons. In the first part of your post you mentoin a delicatessen and mature cheese. Now, if you eat some cheese it can give you indigestion. Ane health problem impacts on your dream, however if the problem is not too dangerous your dream triesto take your mind off it by literally taking you round houses!

Any theories?? I can't imagine why my dad was in my head, except that I had spent the evening with a couple from my childhood that has adopted me as their daughter. They were family friends, and the subject of my dad came up for only a few seconds. In fact, while I was talking about that, I remember thinking I really didn't feel any sense of hurt or anger toward my dad anymore. Then we went to a play that reenacted some old hollywood characters (the Marx brothers).

Although you are trying to forget and forgive, deep down you really hate your dad for cutting you off. You spent the evening with the people who adopted you and that brought back childhood memories. You probably also had something nice to eat and it gave you some stomach problems. As I said earlier when there are some problems in the sleep that don't carry immediate danger the subconscious tries to divert you attention from it as long as it's possible. This normally results in a rambling dream that goes on and on - dredgingup old experiences, mixing them with yesterdays thoughts and adding newly created scenarios.
It is the way dreams heal the hurts of body and mind. Dreams work while you sleep.
Cheers Wolfjk

[lilolehs]

Wolfjk,

Well, yeah... I do struggle with really angry feelings toward my dad. I hesitate to say "hate", but I can't seem to help it! I try really hard to forgive, and you'd think with not seeing him and all, that would be possible, but...

As for the cheese, in the dream I remember thinking the cheese SHOULD have made me feel sick, but it really didn't at all. I thought that was strange so I figured the aging process was a good thing (and I suppose I've been frustrated with my own aging and hoping I'm getting better, instead of just old!)

I just don't get all the dreams stuck on the old property, with bad people chasing me. I've had these ever since my dad cut me off. I'm sure it has to do with my being "stuck" in old resentments or something.

How does one get "unstuck"? Sheesh!

Lil'

[Athanor]

The image of a hospital and lab perhaps suggests the need for a psychological condition in this case to be examined and “cured”.

The fleeting thoughts about your father the night before and the 50th anniversary of your parents’ arrival seem to have hit upon an understandably deeply upsetting inner state of emotion that may tend to color various interactions and thoughts much of the time.

Perhaps the delicatessen is located in the hospital and the “cure” is in the “food” of reflection and the gradual untangling of past hurts by making them more conscious overall.

The dream might be encouraging this approach by suggesting that the “food” could actually be quite tasty and delectable (the old cheese for example).

The idea of transformation is usually connected with the idea of food. For example, milk is worked on by acids and bacteria to break it down into curds and whey. This is then “reassembled” into cheese, here a solid one. The analogy could be that certain flowing normal aspects of your everyday feminine approach (milk) may benefit from being transformed through perhaps some difficult reflection (acid, bacteria) into a new nourishing consciousness (solid cheese).

Following closely on this image is that of the family photos, perhaps representing your family history in a psychological and emotional sense. Possibly an inner factor has tended to cut you off from looking at this history very closely because of the powerful and hurtful emotions involved.

The dream perhaps is again encouraging you to try and look into this inner history which at present is likely being kept at a distance (possibly represented by the book being a novel although it shows “real” photos).

The house and the land probably are an image of you, your essential psychological background and origins. When an important detail differs from outer life, e.g. the dream shows your father as having built the house for someone else, it’s usually especially important to look at the change made by the dream.

Here, it may mean something like you’re perhaps tending to live someone else’s life, unconsciously seeking to fulfil their desires instead of those that are truly your own. This may be tending to alienate you from your true self, leading to upsetting doubts or other pressing emotions that don’t tend to let go too often (people often chasing you etc.).

Then the dream again seems to be encouraging the need for a continuing self-exploration because you’re shown as being on the actual grounds although the house and buildings are different from the originals. The modern look etc. could tend to represent the personal accomplishments that you’ve been able to achieve in spite of having some underlying motives that could be moving you in less productive directions on occasion.

Part of you may support these unconscious motives in some way (celebration) and their controlling aspect is likely symbolized by the various effigies of the man in the cakes. Looking into this part of your psyche likely causes reactions that tend to shut down further reflection about it (attacked by someone with a knife, being chased).

One school of psychology calls this inner part of a woman’s psyche the “animus”. What follows is a definition of this figure from the book “Death of a Woman” by Jane Wheelwright:

“Animus: The archetype in the female psyche that is the inherited pattern of potential experience of the male instinct. This archetype underlies and is basic to a complex which is affected by the individual’s early experiences of men, primarily her father, male siblings, and the collective images of men provided by her cultural experience. The images and affects [emotions] that attach to the complex express what is other than her female body-ego identity, such as her own unconscious maleness, the unconscious, the inferior function [for example, if a woman tends to move through life chiefly using emotions and evaluations, then her inferior function would tend to relate to the use of thinking and the intellect]. The animus assumes a generalized image of the individual’s male ideal, which strongly influences her selection of a mate. Consciously related to, the animus – presented in dreams as a single figure or a group – functions as inspirator or bridge to the unconscious as source of creative, mental, or spiritual initiative and well-spring of potentiality for development. The animus functions as guide to and expedites the pursuit of impersonal endeavours. When not consciously related to, the animus causes a woman to be opinionated, argumentative, rigid, controlling, and excessively critical of herself or others”

If you’d like to explore this inner figure more completely, many women find Marion Woodman’s books very helpful. One is called “The Ravaged Bridegroom”. You might also like to look at a website devoted to her ideas at Marion Woodman Links to see if you take to her overall approach.

With any luck, some of her ideas might help you to move on in some ways and the repeated dreams would then stop or at least be changed in a significant way where they would be much less threatening in their imagery.

[lilolehs]

Lots to think about here, Althanor.

At present, I'm thinking about the fact that the house was built for someone else -- not my dad.

These dreams where I have not been welcome on my parent's ranch started shortly after my mother died. After her death (in my late 20's) he did not allow me into the house anymore, or on the property without supervision. It isn't that I was going to do anything, but he can be rather paranoid. That just doesn't seem normal... Not only that, but he disowned my sister and would not allow either of us to have anything that was ours from childhood, or anything from my mother except the few things she insisted we have while she was dying. Of course, I found out only recently that he remarried several years ago. He stopped all communication with anyone associated with my sister supposedly to keep his new wife from whatever he thinks my sister is saying.

The dreams started out where I was looking in their basement for our childhood things, and he had it all boobytrapped with guns and things everywhere. These have settled as I've realized I'll never see these "things" and grieved that. But in real life, he sold the property, so now I go there in dreams and someone else owns it, but I'm curious to know what it looks like and I'm a bit sad about it and feeling like I don't belong there.

Now this interesting twist with the book that showed a story that he had actually built the house for someone else -- not himself. He was only a worker -- like a laborer (a hillbilly) working for someone else.

The only thing I can think of is that I've been working very hard on growth. In light of what you've said about this property actually being me, I wonder if I'm finally realizing that I am not owned by him and he did not "build" my life for himself but was only a part of the big picture. He's a rather controlling person and, as you've said, I have definitely struggled with living life for everyone else. Now I'm doing amazing things (adventures for me alone) I never thought I'd do even while raising my children as a single mom. He knows nothing about any of that.

The other thing is that that evening the woman I was with asked me if I'd sent my father a father's day card. My father doesn't want to see me so I have stopped trying to send him cards. There's just no sense in it and I'd prefer not to feel guilty about it.

I don't know. Interesting things to ponder.