Insomnia Complete With Nightmares

[luckyniji13]

Insomnia. Damnit, I've had it before I don't want it again. No sleep during the night means I have to nap in the day [if time allows] so I am not cranky.
But I swear, every single time I nap during the nap [hardly never for this reason alone...] I always 100 times out of 100 times I have nightmares. Bad ones that hit me in the heart, scare the **** out of me and then leave me feeling awkward for days afterward.

After picking my daughter up from daycare I rush to the hospital, I don't know how I knew, but I did and I flew. We entered a room with a few people and found one person with a leg suspended in the air and the other sticking up...a thing connected at the knee [no calf on either] sewn together. 'What the **** ?' A hand waves to me...a hook as half the arm is missing. A smile produced from a scratched and wounded face. 'Jamie, what happened to you?!' I was mortified. Missing two legs, one arm, and skin sliced open everywhere...'What the **** is this?" I motioned towards his two thighs sewn together by the knee caps. "They wanted to save my legs when he came of so they sewed them together to preserve" It sounded logical at the time..I guess... no wait, what? Your missing your arm? 'Yeah.' I turn around and shut my eyes picturing him laying there missing 3 limbs. What just happened to his world? To my world? To Fionna's world? I have to think rationally, whatever happened to him, whatever bomb that went off at work today, we sitll have him, he is still alive. For that I am happy, because I can't lose him, I love him to much. I turn back to him and kiss him on the cheek 'Im glad your okay' Why is he smiling? Why isn't he passed out from pain killers? Why are his legs sewn together? Wait...One leg has a prosthetic on it. Where did the ****ing third leg come from? What the hell is happening right now?! Today was just a normal day, how did all of this bullshit happen? I am going to freak out, I am going to scream, I am going to ****ing cry, how am I going to deal with this? Two male nurses, or doctors, I can't tell, came in and helped him up. He hopped with both him arms around the men's shoulders so another room. We watched them leave. Fionna silent, but oblivious, innocently ignorant. Ignorance is bliss, my sweet heart. I slowly followed and entered a room they turned into ahead of me. To the left was a table he sat on still appearing happy and chipper. They were examining his leg. "' We have to make sure the prosthetic fits properly, doesn't squeak, doesn't rub against the skin too bad'" Jamie moved it again, squished it into his open flesh and toyed with it trying to achieve comfort "Its fine" It was squeaking while he moved it around, it wasn't fitting properly, it was too loose. "Its sqweaking, its not fine, we will fit another one for you" I glanced at his leg and saw the inside of it where it was cut off. The tissue looked like a small intestine, coiled up and throbbing blood. I looked away again. Next I know I am watching him be taken to another room and they rest him into a weird pool like thing, no water, just shaped like one, and he seems comfortable. Now he has medal {looks like huge spatulas} on the three of his limbs. Fionna ran out the room, she was getting restless. I followed. She screeched and giggled. We came to an exit, I debated leaving. It was so wrong of me but I can't ****ing comprehend what is happening today, this isn't right, it started off so "normal". Alright, suck it up. I grabbed her we went back in. She spoke ''Come on, Daddy! Lets go play! Lets go run!'' "Sorry honey, Daddy can't play right now, we will play later, okay?" Suddenly he looked tired, distressed, unhappy, his brow was in pain and he was just laying there with three metal limbs squished up..in a cardboard box. Is he dying? Is he already dead? Why is he curled up in a box? 'This isn't right! Why do they have you laying in a box? WHat the ****?! I am going to find out what the hell is going on!' I kneeled next to him, with Fionna's hand in mine. 'Do you want us to leave?' Im pathetic, I shouldn't even have mentioned, nor thought it. He looked like he was in so much pain, mentally, physically, now emotionally "No, don't leave me. I need you both. I need to next to me" He flinched. I left the room to fetch more doctors and came back in a few minutes as he had iodine smeared all over his forehead. I feared it was blood at first. 'What did they do to your forehead?' He was in even more pain on his face 'Its just idodine..' he trailed off explaining unlikely. Im frustrated now, still confused. " The trimmer wire flew off crazy, swirled around in the air a few times, and cut my legs and my arm off, it happened pretty quick." Wow, is that even possible? I watched it all happen inside my mind and couldn't picture him laying there crying and screaming any more, I was sick. "Everyone in MSI heard me scream, not one person missed that" I bet... "They all came out the door and circled around me. He smiled, reflecting. 'Alright Jamie, what is the catch?' I knew there was something making him smile. "One million" I ignored his comment and perused again to find the answer 'Jamie, how can you be so happy at a time like this? Look at you!' I meant nothing mean by it, but I had to know. 'What did Garrett Hirsch promise you?' He smiled, I got nervous. As if there was a price someone could pay to repair the damage to him, my love, the father to our child, the person aside from out daughter, that I love more than the world. "One million" I get it now. 'Dollars?' He smiled. He didn't care what happened to him because out of it he gets one million dollars. I couldn't speak. I felt anxiety run across my entire body and my stomach was tight, my throat was dry and my mind racing. I couldn't even think about what one million dollars means at a time like this, and it is what he is thriving off. Minutes or however long passed by as I tossed this idea thoroughly through my mind. How would he pay him? Off the books because he got injured in his factory that he owned doing a job he was not hired to do? So now he felt guilty and too avoid court and a bad rep he offered Jamie one million dollars for his pain. The man who will never run with his daughter again, or climb the stairs in our new house, or do so many things. So many things you can manage with no legs and one hand....
I have never felt this experience feel more real or more fake at the same time.