Oral sex on my own self (re-occuring for 10 years)

[Crush]

WARNING - Adult content below. 18 and over please.. (hehe I've always wanted to say that)

Ok this is an embarrassing post. Especially since I'm a male. Firstly I'm not gay nor have fantasies about being gay. I would admit it if I did. I'm in my early 30's and fairly good looking with dark hair. I really like women a *lot*. Definitely a girl watcher. I'm also happily married, a good guy, and never cheated.

But i've had this re-occurring dream for about the past 10 years.

I have this very lucid dream maybe once every 2-6 months. Like all my sex dreams I really love having this dream. It's my favorite one besides my doing oral on a women. Sometimes it's a '2-in-1' where I get both dreams together. These dreams are so good, I once wokeup and though I would gladly choose the dreams over real sex if I could choose either or each night because that's how sexually, devastatingly powerful they are. And they are GOOD. I feel lucky to have them actually.

Basically the dream is not 'whole'. It's like broken up, swirled, flashy and the star of the show is my penis.. rock hard like never before. Not any bigger or smaller. You can't make out whole bodies. It's all close up.. like a camera filming maybe 1 to 2 feet away. The dreams are very body-part focused but not one part for too long. Mostly it is feeling that stays constant.. the feeling of sexual energy. When I am giving myself oral sex, I feel more of the gratification than I do feeling something in my mouth - that would be secondary.

Sometimes there is another girl around, never my wife, and we sometimes fool around in weird ways. It ends up with me having oral sex with myself in a 'i'll show you how it's done' sort of way and the girl just disappears.

What makes the dream lucid is not what I'm seeing, but what I am feeling. I really, really focus intensely on giving a good oral experience (with me or another girl). It's a very, very lucid feeling. I'm almost 'concentrating' and the more I do it, the more better it feels sexually.

I never orgasm though.
When it's a female I'm doing this to, we never ever have intercourse. I try.. I really do try to force this to happen and it's never happened yet.
She never has an orgasm.

The girl will always tease me and toy with me. It's like she'll let me do 'stuff' to her then leave and keep me wondering where she went and if she'll be back and she usually comes back. It's like the dream gets put on hold while I try to figure out what she really wants. She'll pretend she doesn't know I'm touching. Yes that's it. She'll lay with me and cuddle very indirectly and she's at ease with me and I'll touch her and she doesn't respond. Almost like she's fooling with me.

Then I'll really focus and wow her with a really big, physical sexual maneuver (like lifting her up on the wall.. some sort of gymnastics sort of thing) and then the flashy sexy hot dream breaks out in full force all close up and such. I'll go down on her each time (cause that's what I love to do in real life) and for whatever reason it just 'cuts scene' and then I end up going down on my own self.

When the girl is involved, it's like i'm taking her place. I become her and feel how it feels to be her doing on my own self(!).. does that make sense? Then sometimes I myself take over and show her how to 'really do it'. Trust me.

When I'm doing the act I go deeper and deeper with each 'bob'. I use my tongue.. i feel everything on every bit. Every vein. It's incredible. My hands are always doing something too. I never get enough. It just builds and builds in excitement... it's like there is no peak. It feels like i'm at the highest level of '10' in the 'erotic scale' and then it goes to 11, then 12. It's like 'sexier sex' than sex. Like 'Chocolatier' Chocolate. Although there's no such thing.. does that make sense?

Sometimes though, it's all me, somewhat shorter, and I'm actually bending down on my lap and having oral on my own self. It feels just as good trust me.

Then I wake up and am so so happy for this dream because of the rush. And I then do it some more oral on myself and am happy that this wasn't just a dream. A few minutes pass.

Then I REALLY wake up, and think 'shucks, it's all over.. please come again soon'.

The whole thing is maybe 5 min front to end.

Sometimes I have a dream where it's just me and a woman. Usually a woman who feels like an acquaintance or who I don't know well, but I do indeed know her. She's part of my larger friend circle. She feels like a friend of a friend who I know of and have associated with, but she's not my friend. I can't remember who these women are much of the time later on in the day. Only when I first wake up.

This dream has happened since my early 20's and is still here till this day. Since it's my biggest re-occurring dream, I figure I'd ask what this is all about and why it's one of my only re-occurring dreams with the same format over and over.

Once years back I felt 'blessed' to have these dreams because trust me they are that good. They are my most powerful, memorable, dreams. The only bad part is that there's never 'completion'. Just the buildup and insane sexual fire and it ends with no satisfaction.

Again, please do not think I'm gay. I am not. I would esily admit if I liked men since this is an annonymouse forum. I do not like them and the idea of that really does repulse me quite a lot. A turn off to say the least.. women though

Why are these dreams happening and what are they telling me??