Dream has been bothering me for days...

[Ska]

I just found this site and I've been looking for help on Dream Interpretation...

Okay here's a little background: I'm 18, and just moved 500 miles from Ohio, where everything I knew existed, to North Carolina to be with the guy I'm in love with. The winter when I was 16 I found out there was a good chance I couldn't bear children, and I love kids with all my heart. Before I moved I didn't get the chance to see too many of my family to say goodbye because I had been planning to come back for Christmas and such. Well that went down the drain when my car broke down, so my return trip is in March. Since then, my grandma has moved houses and lives near a place I used to live with my mom when I was younger. So, with all of that, since I think it might have to do with some of it, here's the dream:
I was living with my mother and my grandmother in this two story house, with a tiny backyard.
I had a daughter who was absolutely adorable, couldn't have been very old, maybe 2 months? She had strikingly black hair and amazing eyes, either gray or purple in color. She had to have been premature because she was tiny. (Here's the weird part) I could put her in a bowl of water that would send her to this other world where she could run and race with other tiny babies and I could look in and see her racing and such and whenever I pulled her out she'd be normal size again (well, still tiny for a baby though.) And at one point, I kept dipping her in the water, thinking she wanted to race again, but there was no reaction so I looked at her and she was asleep. So I kissed the top of her head and then started wondering what her name was. Yeah, I couldn't remember her legal name because I called her all sorts of different things: Mai, Alexandra, Rayven, Champagne, Morgan, Savannah... So on and so forth. So it was bothering me really bad that I couldn't remember my daughters name.
I searched the house up and down looking for her birth certificate but couldn't find it. I went and asked my mother, who was doing taxes. She said she couldn't remember either and shuffled through a few of her own papers, then said she had no idea where the certificate was either.
I went for a walk around the neighborhood, trying to clear my mind, but there was a lot of construction and I couldn't possibly think straight. I decided to go ask my grandmother because honestly, grandmas should know just about everything. I was walking behind houses, trying to avoid the construction and there was one guy who was spraying tar through a hose, onto the roofs of houses. I had to be careful because sometimes he'd miss and tar would spray between the houses into the backyards and stick to the grass. I watched him for a moment then jumped into my backyard just as my grandma was walking out of the back door in a white towel.
She was headed towards the clothes line to get dressed and there was a dog in the back, taking up the tiny amount of yard we had, turning all the grass to dirt. I remember the dog barking but not much else, maybe a semi-friendly rottweiler? Maybe it was gray or black? It was medium sized, I know that much.
Anyway, I ask my grandmother about my daughters name and she says she doesn't know, and takes off the towel, (Nothing was revealed). Her chest was extremely hairy, so you could not see her breasts and she put a bra and shirt on and then I noticed the bottom half of her was a tree trunk. (Weird, right?) Anyway, I asked if I should go to the hospital, to see if they still had a copy on file and she said no because they would just look for twenty seconds while I stood there and as soon as I left they'd give up.
After that, I pulled myself out of the dream, because I was starting to worry myself in real life.
It was sort of a lucid dream because I could make myself search for different names I had called her.
And out of all of the weirdness the thing that bothered me the most was the fact that I couldn't remember my daughters name.

Any suggestions or ideas? This dream has been bugging me for days. And I apologize for the length, but I tried adding as much detail as I remember.
Thanks ahead of time. =)

[Ska]

Oh and for the record... I was nearly shaking typing that and having it posted here is making me extremely nervous, which is causing a headache. I don't know why talking about this dream causes so much... confusion and agony.

[weiss]

hi. don't feel all nervous. everyone has dreams. their meanings are usually rational, intelligent, and helpful. maybe some dreams have something that really strikes you, or you wake up believing it is a premonition. those are the most important dreams.

well, in this dream the most important thing was you couldnt remember your child's name. maybe you feel you haven't deserved the recoginition for something. maybe your involvement in something is very small.

fun with name associations:
mai is the month of may and springtime (it means may in german).
alexandra is brilliant, respect worthy, graceful.
rayven is mysterious, something that causes excitement.
champagne is celebration.
morgan is something new and bright.
savannah is maybe a peaceful at home feeling.

i think it could easily be about your trip. dunno about racing. maybe its about wanting to earn something. birth certificates are important, proving to the right people that someone exists. in this case something. i think the baby is symbolic. could be wondering if you will really be going to some new life far away. taxes may be wondering if you're paid up. feelings of owing something to the powers that be.

tar could be not wanting to feel too stuck to where you are. things that could hose up your plans. towels are for clearing up emotional problems. so you're wanting to clear your mind and present your thoughts. a hairy chest could be not really baring your feelings. tree trunks could be how rooted you feel to your home.

well, those are just my thoughts. maybe kinda dull sounding. *shrug*

[Ska]

Thanks a lot for responding. I've been dying for answers to anything ever since I posted it.

I haven't really been on top of the world since I moved due to lack of job and having to take a semester off of college for financial reasons and I think that might be to blame for a lot of things, but really, this helps a lot.
Thank you very much. =)

[sailrmc]

Ska,
After reading your background and looking at your dream, I can see how your subconscious mind is addressing issues in your life, through your dream. I want to say how very sorry I am, about your not being able to conceive. It is emotionally traumatic and a situation that you will feel the impact for some time to come.
Sometimes I evaluate dreams using a "line at a time" method but I will not use that technique this time. I am going to keep this short...if you can believe that, coming from me.
Cutting to the chase, your dream is addressing the issues in your life that are heavy burdens on you. In short, your subconscious mind is telling you that there are lots of things that need your attention right now. The one thing that does not your need attention at all, is thinking about your grief of not being able to conceive. Your dream clearly shows that it is on your mind and that it would be best to not dwell on "what if" .
Your dream is filled with classic symbolism that backs this message...In fact it is so convincingly depicted that it would only be painful for me to go into it.
What should you do?
The innuendo of the dream says that it is time to go about taking care of business that is at hand, and not to dwell on your extremely painful situation.
I search for words of compassion that could possibly help you through this ordeal and I am coming up empty. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. As well, please, especially now, pay attention to your dreams. THE subconscious mind is a gift and I see that it is hard at work, trying to advise and mentor you through this very rough time.
Know that you are not alone!

Peace to you...
sailrmc

[Ska]

I greatly thank you for your words of wisdom and compassion. I suppose I haven't fully gotten over the shock of that, especially with some things that happened right after the diagnosis.
I haven't had many dreams that I could remember as well as that one ever since, but maybe now with some sort of closure I'll be able to.
I've been looking into adoption, and I adore the idea, (I was planning to adopt even before I knew I couldn't have children), and maybe that has been calming my subconscious some. Though I watched a children's movie dealing with an orphan (Meet the Robinsons) and it nearly made me cry. Hopefully things get straightened out soon. I'll be sure to post anymore dreams that I find as interesting as this one.
Thank you, again. =)