I want these ridiculous dreams to stop..

[chrimpail]

I doubt anyone has the patience to read all of this but.. here it goes:

I am in a very good relationship right now. My boyfriend and I get along so well and it is effortless for us to spend everyday together. I have had bad dreams about us before, but in the past week they have grown overwhelming. Everything in them is so real, every touch and every emotion. So real that I now wake up in actual tears by the end of the dreams. They aren't the same everytime and it's confusing me alot.. So much that I found this website this morning.

The first real bad one was last week. My boyfriend and I (lets call him B) went to hang out with two of his old friends. On the way we stop at some store and I have to go in and find something for some reason. As I wander around the store some random guy starts hitting on me. I don't ignore him but I don't lead him on either. What mostly shocks me about this part as that in real life I have always said sorry and that I have a boyfriend as soon as such a situation comes up. I leave the store and he follows me and I hop in the truck and the stranger goes back into the store..? Not really an important part.
I fail to tell B about it when normally it would have been a topic of conversation. We get to his friends' house and there is a very nice-looking girl who we have never met before. We are all talking at the table and it seems that B and this girl are more in their own conversation then the main one. Eventually the girl tells B there is something she just has to show him and they both hurry off together. There is much confusion and I don't remember much inbetween that part and the next.. Bare with me..
Suddenly I'm freaking out and I can't find B and I'm calling him and calling him (this has happened in real life when him and his friend got in a fight and I was gone, then came back and took forever to find him). When I find him he is sitting on the front steps of the neighbor's house with two nice-looking girls.
Again a fuzzy moment I don't remember much.
We end up in a huge vehicle at the back, I'm guessing it is suppose to be his original friends'. B and I get in a huge argument in which he ends up saying exactly this: "Yeah, I hit on 'em both a little." (that does not sound like something he would ever say in real life) I start freaking out and trying to hit him as he holds me back (this part felt so terribly real), complaining about how I would never do that to him.. But remember the first part of this dream? It ends with him yelling, "Your ****ed in the brain! Your just ****ed up!" And I scream at the driver to stop and hop out of the vehicle before it even is stopped. I woke up sobbing loudly and with every intention in my mind to go and get a whole bunch of a drug I was addicted to that B helped me quit...
It was horrible it was 7 in the morning and no matter what I did I couldn't fall back asleep because I was scared it would continue with me getting those drugs and never seeing my B again..

Now if you haven't already lost interest and stopped reading.. The one I had this morning:
The beginning is weird and I'm pretty sure I don't remember most of it. There is a small party at the house. Eventually B is asking me if he can take the car and my bank card (he spent his cheque already this week) to town to hang out with his buddy for a little while. Since I'm not very fond of this friend I let him go alone.. (we usually do absolutely everything together so this is super weird)
I end up sitting out on the balcony trying desperately to remember a classical guitar song I know. (this part is super real feeling, I can hear the notes so clear but cannot play them, I can even feel the strings on my soft uncallosed fingers. in real life I quit guitar about 3 years ago now) I sit out there trying to play the same song as the sun comes up and shines through the trees. Again another very very real seeming scene. B shows up at a very early time in the morning.
Suddenly it is the next day and we are sitting in the car, both in the drivers seat and I slightly on his lap. We are having a confusing conversation, so it must be an arguement. I don't remember much until he says, "That tadle tale!"
And I start freaking out questioning him on what he talking about. He keeps saying nevermind over and over until suddenly he blurts out "I did crack-cocaine last night!" (it is weird that he uses the technical-long name for the drug. past details in real life that might help on making sense of this, before i met him he was a crack addict, when he met me i was a coke addict.)
The rest is fuzzy except for the feeling of tears running down my face and the feeling that I can't breathe and I'm trying to hurt him physically in any possible way but can't cuz he's too strong.
I start scream-crying and say, "Take your car and my money and go do more of your precious bullshit!" I start getting out of the car and then turn around and say, "On second thought give me my money!"
Suddenly I'm at my old drug pick up spot crying and waving bye to my parents who are driving away. Then I'm suddenly in the washroom of the theatre doing enormous amounts of the drug off the back of a toilet crying the whole time. I then wake up to find that I am being quite loud in real life.
Once again I can't go back to sleep...


Wow I almost feel better now that I said it all.. I haven't been able to tell B because I have had other(not so real feeling) dreams in the past and he seems fustrated when I tell him that they are bothering me.
But how do I make these bullshit dreams stop?! I have an awesome life now and I'm so happy until I'm sleeping.. I don't even like the thought of those drugs creeping into my mind and B has never ever even come close to showing signs of cheating on me or I on him. The closest we ever came to doing those drugs is admitting we think about doing them once in a while but are scared of it...
It seems like I never have fun adventerous dreams any more.. I used to all the time..
Ugh.. if you read this all, thank you for your time..