Pretty bizarre dream with shaving, transforming cats, jesus, and more

[PattyMelt]

Left me pretty puzzled. Let's summarize:

I don't remember anything before this - For some reason or another, my mom arranged for me to sleep with a hooker. (QUE THE LOL HE CAN'T GET IT ANY OTHER WAY JOKES) That is something I would never do by the way, same story with my mom. In the dream though, all I knew is that IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN, but then, in the dream - I passed out. I woke up suddenly, and something was different...my chin had been shaved. The rest of my beard was in tact. It seems silly but it was some huge deal. I kept thinking - I think I had sex, but I can't actually remember any of it. I amusingly figured the shorn chin was some kind of proof that the hooker and I had some kind of crazy night.

At that point, it was in the middle of the night and someone started banging on the door. I was thinking it must be the hooker come to sex me up and I just had my timeline screwed up, but instead it was an old couple. They were incredibly pissed and kept yelling at me to find something that was hidden behind the wall. Somehow my mom got into the equation here, and I peeled back some wallpaper to find a poster of Jesus. I took it down and hid it behind something else. My mom told me to look outside, and Jesus was standing in our front yard with his back turned away. For some reason, that scared me.

At that point, the old man took me in the kitchen and started preaching to me, and I told him my beliefs about religion, that perhaps there is a god or something akin to that but maybe man's understanding of that isn't accurate. There was much more to that but I won't get into it. I kept asking him if he agrees with me but he wouldn't answer, and my mom interrupted me. She was totally pissed off and for some reason showed me this little package. I opened it up and this little plastic box turned into a black cat that started scratching me up. I can't remember how but I got it to turn back, and then closed it up. That was the end of that whole thing.

From there my mom and I started arguing about what happened with the hooker - I still couldn't remember anything. She told me I indeed DID have sex, and she apparently knew because it had been filmed. She was incredibly angry because I'd wasted my "first time" like that, which is how I felt as well. I was shocked that she was pissed though because she was the one arranging the whole thing. She told me...she'd rate this "sex tape" a 5. She said some weird **** about her first one being a 3. WTF Mom?

I was freaked out at this point mainly because my mom had seen such intimate footage of me, and she wouldn't directly talk to me about it anymore. She was just about to start the tape so I could see what happened and of course...I woke up there

Weird