why do i keep having these dreams?

[lostinmydreams]

Alright well I first started having these dreams say a couple years ago.
They involve me and a good friend.
A little backstory: my friend is 51 years old. I'm 21. Most people wouldn't say she's traditionally attractive but I think she's got a nice figure, great legs, and a cool ethnic look. I dated her son for about 4 months but some **** happened. We don't see each other anymore but I'm still close with the family.
I'm bisexual. For awhile I was kind of infatuated with her. I'm not sure why. Maybe because she was different from any mother I'd ever met. She introduced me to pot. We could talk about any subject. She was like a big kid, but really smart. She helped me with things my parents wouldn't. We share a lot of the same ideals. She's tough and seemed confident. I liked that.
Then I started having dreams about her. I'm still having them.

In the dreams, we're having a good time. We're talking, hanging out, smiling at one another. I feel love. We touch, cuddle, hug, and kiss (something that never happened irl). The dreams are very intimate but not overtly sexual. i enjoy them. They happen pretty often, like once a month usually or sometimes more.
When I first started having them, I was a little embarrassed by it, not to mention confused.

For awhile then, I entertained the idea of having a bit of a crush on her (without having any expectations, obviously), but over time I realized that there are differences in our personalities that I can't deal with which eventually changed my mind about having a crush on her.
Sometimes she acts like a big baby. She's overly sensitive, and thinks she always right. Sometimes I can't stand being around her! She has issues, just like everyone. But if she hasn't dealt with them now, she's probably not changing.
She's my friend though, and I love and accept her. god knows I have my problems.

But I put boundaries between us. I place boundaries between me and everyone, but especially this family for some reason. (she does the same thing; i think we're both afraid to get close to people) I realize, we can't be as close as I think if I never allowed myself to fully open up to her.
So I'm over the crush, but what I can't understand is why I'm still having dreams about her. And when I wake up from them I feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

The only thing I can come up with is that it's my desire to become closer to her in waking life (in an appropriate way). I also realize the fact that I may have built her up unrealistically in my mind.

Thanks for reading this if you did. I know it was weird and you probably think I'm creepy. Any advice on why I might continue having these dreams?

[aomkitten]

Hi,

Well I think you may have answered your own question. I don't think the dream neccessarily represents your desire to be more close to her, but to people in general. You said you tend to put up barriers because of fear or past events. Doing this can leave a sence of lonliness and distance. In your dream you are unguarded and vulnerable, you are very close, not just physically but also emotionally, to another human being. You wake up feeling warm and fuzzy because this is a closeness you may be lacking in you real life that you are longing for. Perhaps if you let some of your barriers down and allow yourself to be more like this in your real life, you may find the dreams will stop.

[lostinmydreams]

Thank you. I think you're right.

[christina_9]

Its very dangerous to be so secure or so sure about what other Human being will do, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, and emotions. You can never be so sure about the human reactions, that it will be call naive.Be careful.

Acid Reflux

[lostinmydreams]

Originally Posted by christina_9

Its very dangerous to be so secure or so sure about what other Human being will do, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, and emotions. You can never be so sure about the human reactions, that it will be call naive.Be careful.

Acid Reflux

What exactly do you mean?

What do you mean, "be careful"?
What do you mean reactions, when it comes to matters of heart and emotion? Are you talking about my friend? Just what do you think she would be reacting to?
I thought I made it clear I don't have any unrealistic expectations of her. It was just a crush, geez. And I don't have any intentions of telling her about it. I'm not that naive.

[jyotib]

Personally, I think that your crush on her is not over yet. You still have a crush on her. May you don't realize it or you don't want to realize it.

There is nothing wrong with your dreams. I feel that the desire to kiss her or hold her in your arms or make love to her is still inside you. You want to feel the warmth of the body and the love. That makes you feel warm and satisfied after you have your dreams.

Actually you know we all have desires, and of various kinds. At the same time we all know that all our wishes would never come true. But still we long for that wish to be fulfilled. It gets fulfilled - but my through our dreams.

There are certain desires of which if we think or analyze consciously, we become very afraid. Afraid because of the norms of the society. We all live within the society, or rather within the moral guideline of the society. We all become more or less afraid, if we realize that we are doing or we wish to do something which is not approved by the so called society guidelines or which is not considered apparently to be normal by the society. Moreover, we are afraid of our ownselves.

You know that your friendship with this lady is not sanctioned by the unwritten laws of the society in which we all are living. That's why you have mentioned yours and your friend's age. Within your ownself you are having a dilema. One part of you is a rationalist who is telling you that there is nothing wrong in this relationship. It's friendship and it's beautiful and sublime. The other part of you who is guided by the orthodox society norms is intimidated of the consequences of the relationship. That's why you have posted your dream in this forum.

The answer lies within you only. And I think you know the answer too.

So, my friend, don't worry and be happy. Accept life as it unfolds before you and act accordingly. As long as you are enjoying your dream and are comfortable with your dream, let yourself have the full pleasure out of it.

Best of luck!

[lostinmydreams]

Originally Posted by jyotib

Personally, I think that your crush on her is not over yet. You still have a crush on her. May you don't realize it or you don't want to realize it.

There is nothing wrong with your dreams. I feel that the desire to kiss her or hold her in your arms or make love to her is still inside you. You want to feel the warmth of the body and the love. That makes you feel warm and satisfied after you have your dreams.

Actually you know we all have desires, and of various kinds. At the same time we all know that all our wishes would never come true. But still we long for that wish to be fulfilled. It gets fulfilled - but my through our dreams.

There are certain desires of which if we think or analyze consciously, we become very afraid. Afraid because of the norms of the society. We all live within the society, or rather within the moral guideline of the society. We all become more or less afraid, if we realize that we are doing or we wish to do something which is not approved by the so called society guidelines or which is not considered apparently to be normal by the society. Moreover, we are afraid of our ownselves.

You know that your friendship with this lady is not sanctioned by the unwritten laws of the society in which we all are living. That's why you have mentioned yours and your friend's age. Within your ownself you are having a dilema. One part of you is a rationalist who is telling you that there is nothing wrong in this relationship. It's friendship and it's beautiful and sublime. The other part of you who is guided by the orthodox society norms is intimidated of the consequences of the relationship. That's why you have posted your dream in this forum.

The answer lies within you only. And I think you know the answer too.

So, my friend, don't worry and be happy. Accept life as it unfolds before you and act accordingly. As long as you are enjoying your dream and are comfortable with your dream, let yourself have the full pleasure out of it.

Best of luck!

Thank you for your kind and well thought out answer.
Honestly I probably am a bit obsessed. But not with her anymore.... with the dreams.
I don't care what society thinks of a relationship like that. But I suppose I was a bit embarrassed about what you and other people might think of my silly little dreams.

I guess my main worry was: if I love and respect this person, is it not morally wrong to go to bed hoping to have intimate dreams of them? I have even initiated a lucid dream or two. Is that not perverted and obsessive? What would she think if she knew?