Keep dreaming with this girl!

[Putana]

History:
I've been married to the same girl for 11 years. I started working with this OTHER girl about 5 or so years ago. I was always physically attracted to her, but our personalities clashed like a mofo. Me & the wife went through a separation about 3 years ago. the OTHER girl went through a seperation around the same time & we kept each other company...going to movies, clubs & even a party bus party. I believe she was physically attracted to me as well, but as stated before, our personalities just could not get along for a relationship to "blossom". Well, long story short, me & the wife got back together & she got back with HER husband.

Dreams:
I'd say about once a month, I'll dream with her. Nothing sexual either, sometimes just a conversation, sometimes even a kiss or even a slow dance. When I wake up I CRAVE her...I just had a dream with her last week & emailed her (inviting her to Happy Hour..yikes!) Bottom line, I wish to stop dreaming with her as me & the wife are doing great & getting along even nicer then before the seperation...and yet...the desire will return almost monthly. I've been thinking about going to see a therapist of some sort to see what they think. Is this "obsession"? 99% of the time I wouldn't think or here about her before I dream with her.

[froggy2]

No, your dream is not an obsession, from my standpoint. Many say that opposites often attract, which is often true for some people. To better understand that, I suggest you watch the movie The Notebook. The main characters, Noah and Allie, are very different, but they love each other nonetheless. It's not as unrealistic as some love movies, and feels a little more down-to-earth.

There may be something more than just looks that attract her to you and vice-versa. Perhaps your conflicting personalities and differences are more appealing to you than those of someone who agrees with you on most things. You may, deep down, like more of a struggle in personal relationships than peace.

The only thing I can tell you to try is talking with a counselor or friend about it. I have dreamed about someone I'm close to for a whole year, if not more, so I know how the dreaming must affect you. Just don't make any hasty decisions, and think about what you need to do before doing so.

I hope this helps you. =)

[Putana]

Thanks for replying so quickly!

I was hoping to avoid therapy...but am heavily considering it.

I tell you, she HAUNTS me in my dreams. Her eyes, her smile, her shy laugh...I wake up wanting her so bad. Its disgusting!

the thing is I KNOW if it would be laid out that both of us could be together, she's surely be my future ex-wife. The girl HAS to be right, and I even caught her in a LIE.

For some reason, I can only think of the GOOD times we went through. After the dreams I find myself either looking at old pictures of us (I have secretly hidden away) or writing a poem. What a spaz!

[froggy2]

Even though I'm not a professional myself (yet, since I'm going to be a double-major of music and psych), I have experienced pretty much everything you just said. If you really don't want to go to a professional, I suggest that you keep a journal, as I have and still do. Getting it out of yourself is the most important thing you can do until you decide who to tell, if you decide to tell anyone. Be very specific when writing down your feelings, describing the dreams, etc.

This friend of mine tortured my mind with her presence. I would be taking a test in school, and would have a daydream lasting anywhere from a minute to about five minutes. I would even take very short naps, and she would pop up in my head. Her memory haunts me during sleep, when I'm busy, when I'm not, no matter where I go or what I do. It is very difficult living like that, though. She is not evil at all, and is actually very smart and sweet, but it's tough having someone in your head when you cannot get him/her out of it.

My dreams popped up at the most random times, too. Some of my surroundings probably triggered it, since we were in school together for two years. I couldn't get away from her, whether in reality or dream, as much as I tried.

[Putana]

Originally Posted by froggy2

Even though I'm not a professional myself (yet, since I'm going to be a double-major of music and psych), I have experienced pretty much everything you just said. If you really don't want to go to a professional, I suggest that you keep a journal, as I have and still do.

I thin k I'll do that. Keep it on the PC & write it down everytime I think of her or DREAM with her.

I just wish the DREAMS would stop. I think I went a whole 3-4 months w/o thinking of her & a dang DREAM brought me right back in Godfather Part III style!