Rape?

[alwaysdreaming]

I don't know why, but this dream has been on my mind a lot lately. I had it over a year ago, but I can't seem to find it anywhere in my dream journal, which is weird because I know I wrote it down... Anyway, it happened in three parts.

In this dream world, people look normal, but all the surroundings are green and black. The sky may have also been a gradient of yellow to blue, but I definitely remember all the buildings being green and black, inside and outside.

In part one, I was working for this guy. I was like an office clerk or assistant or something. My job just had to do with paperwork and filing and stuff like that. He was not a good guy. He looked like he was in his early 30s. He was constantly surrounded by gorgeous women who looked kind of like super models or hookers (they were dressed kinda slutty), but he wasn't hiring them. It was more like a harem, actually... He was okay looking, but I wasn't really interested in him. He came off too much like a pimp, and I wasn't interested in being a part of someone's harem. Plus I seriously disliked the vibes I picked up on him. He really gave me the creeps. For some reason though, he was strangely fascinated with me to the point where it was borderline obsessive.

In part two (details missing between part one and here), I was pregnant. I was not married, I did not have a boyfriend, I wasn't even dating, and I definitely didn't remember ever having sex. I wasn't sure how exactly I got pregnant, but I had a lot of resentment and anger towards the guy mentioned in part one. I had quit working for him a few months before. My mom was helping me shop for stuff for the baby, and she seemed to be very cautious when talking about it and trying extra hard to be supportive (a history: I was raised with the traditional upbringings that one should wait till marriage before having sex. My mother is very unsympathetic, and if I willingly had sex and got pregnant, her attitude would be that I am completely on my own and that I should not even think of going to her for help because if I felt I was ready to have sex then I should also be prepared to handle the consequences that come with it. The very idea that she would be helping me with something like this knowing that I am becoming a single mother was a huge hint that this was more than just an unwanted pregnancy.). I seemed to be fully aware that the father of this kid was the guy, but I didn't know how. I think my mom explained what happened to me, but I could not remember any bit of it.

In part three (once again, some details missing between this and the previous part), my mom was being even more sympathetic and trying very hard to support me than she was before. Apparently, I miscarried. Everyone seemed to know that I did too, because I was getting sympathy from everyone I encountered. My mom took me to this coffee shop, and the guy taking my order was even being sympathetic. I didn't really understand why they were giving me sympathy. I didn't want this kid to begin with, I was actually quite happy that I miscarried, and even happier because now I was about to get coffee (it's quite possible that that was why I miscarried... I was not taking proper care of myself as a pregnant woman should. I was drinking coffee and soda and other stuff with caffeine knowing that I shouldn't have. I didn't see the point of taking care of myself when I was carrying a child I didn't want whose father was someone I hated.).

As I was walking back with my mom, I passed by the building that the guy worked. He was standing at the window, watching me walk by with a deeply mournful, heartbroken expression. He didn't know I was pregnant to begin with, so it was a huge shock and heartbreak when he found out I miscarried. If he had known sooner, he would have been trying to be there. He might have even used that as an excuse for me to be with him. That was more than likely the reason I didn't want him knowing that I was pregnant to begin with. Somehow, he also heard that I didn't want to have the kid. That was even more heartbreaking to him because he couldn't seem to understand why I wouldn't have wanted to have his child. (End of dream)

Like with Blue Eyes, I have one character that this guy resembles. Also like Blue Eyes, there is no one in real life that he would represent. I have one story that I've been working on for years which is the root for most of my written characters. This guy represents one character from that. Where the main character is concerned, he believes he's in love with her and he doesn't recognize that he really wants to own and control her (he has a very warped perception of love). I can't think of what this actually means and how it pertains to what was going on in my life at the time. If I could find the date I wrote it down, I might have a better idea. Till then, can anyone help me figure this one out?

[Wolfjk]

Hi,
It is an interesting account. My take on it is that it comes from the characters you write about. The dream was simply for entertainment and creative practice.
Regarding the fact that you could not find it in your dream diary; perhaps you dreamt that you put it there! Your subconscious has some wicked ways to play a joke on you!
Cheers Wolfjk

[alwaysdreaming]

Actually, that's how I feel about most of my dreams most of the time, that they're for my own amusement. I've even had at least two that I turned into stories. My dreams are usually too weird to really mean anything, and the characters involved don't resemble anyone I know in real life. This is the only dream I've ever had that resembles this one literary character of mine though. The specific story he comes from has over 50 characters, and I didn't recycle him into any of my other stories.

I definitely did not dream that I wrote it down. I finally found this dream in my dream journal (I knew I had written it down somewhere). It seems the reason I couldn't find it is because I forgot to include the date. I think I wrote it down in April of 2006 (somewhere between April 16th and May 16th). I was also off on times during the dream. It seems there was 6-8 months between parts 1 and 2 (and I was apparently 7 months pregnant), and 2 months between parts 2 and 3. This is actually the one character I'm not really sure what he looks like.