Recurring dream about child I never had

[Mynotoros]

I have two children, ages 4 years and (baby) 9 months. I've been having basically the same nightmare (not exactly the same, but same elements) since my eldest child was born. She was born Dec. 19, 2003 at 10:55PM. She was not growing in the womb, so they had to deliver her early via c-section. She was delivered at 35 weeks gestation. Now she has disability in that she is on feeding tube and won't eat due to vomiting disorder. I worry about her a lot.

Since the birth, I've had the nightmare that somehow there are TWO of her, ie twins, and I lost the other twin, didn't feed it, or couldn't carry it in my arms, and hence gave it up for adoption. Then, I see the child, fully grown to 4 years or so, in someone else's care and realize I should have never given her up. My heart just hurts so badly in these dreams! Or in another version, I end up keeping my real child and neglecting the twin. It's always a twin, never a sibling.

Now I have had absolutely no indication of having carried twins during that pregnancy. I had a VERY hard pregnancy both physically and emotionally. But due to that there were many ultrasounds, and no clue of a second baby. Also the father was there during the C-section and watched everything. No second baby. But after these vivid nightmares, it's like my whole body just KNOWS there was a second baby, even tho my mind knows there WASN'T one. Does that make any sense??

I thought this would go away after I had my second child. I thought it might be about fear of taking care of a second kid (although that doesn't explain why I had the dreams immediately after the first) but although they stopped for a short period, now they are right back again. I've never had a similar dream about my second child, although I did once dream that I lost her here and there. (Typical mother's worry dream, I think) But about that first child, it's ALWAYS about a TWIN that I never get to see or raise!

Do you suppose there is something more than mental disturbance? Might I have had a previous miscarriage and not consciously known? Or might there have once been a twin absorbed by the other? (I know it medically happens sometimes). How can I ultimately find out? I am a little scared of going to some therapist who might poo-poo this. It's pretty significant to me. Any suggestions would be helpful.

[Christyanna]

hey,

i am sorry to hear about your daughter's condition. but even if your dreams are true about a past miscarriage, you shouldn't feel bad for it because first of all, you had no idea and second, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, ya know?

but maybe its just you and your mind wishing you had a healthy child and you feel bad for your daughter and wish the best for her, being healty.

i wish i could help you more!
Good Luck!

[Varzandeh]

Hi,
Dreams are symbolic and should be interpreted.
Another girl means some blessing and happiness on the way each time you dream about a girl.