My Hero

[Linny2399]

Hello,
My name is Lin and November 8th 2005 I had a very good friend who was shot to death In Baqubah Iraq, His death made headlines because it was a member of our own troops who murdered him. He was as close to me as a person could be to another person. We were each others firsts, but down the line just real good friends. Right after he died I started having reoccuring dreams that come and go but it's been almost two years and havent changed. The dream starts for me looking for him, we always seem to be amungst other people. Sometimes we are in my highschool gymnasium and he's playing basketball (he was "6ft 7inches tall) some times we are at a party with all the people in highschool there. The most recent dream was scened in an army base, The setting changes but they are all basically the same In the dream we are Love intrests and I Know that Im dreaming so I desperately try and tell him of his demise. I plead with him not to join the army and tell him the blow by blow of his death. He seems unbothered by my statements and goes on. I wake with a sense of depression and I start the mourning process all over again. The latest dream I've had where we were in the army base I actually am there the last few precious moments of his life, I see him getting in an argument with two other soldiers, Then we for some reason run and hide from them, But I lose him in the process and realize that I can't stop this from happening and keep hiding because I don't want to see what is going to happen to him. the whole time I know Im dreaming and I just want to wake up. There have been times when I held on to dylan trying to tell myself to wake up so I could bring him back with me. I don't know what to think, My husband thinks Im crazy. But I haven't healed or moved on from his death because of these dreams. I cry all the time and I feel like im empty he was my friend my lover My Hero

[catseye]

I am sorry for your loss but I don't think you are crazy. It is possible that this life event is causing you so much distress as to trigger a larger scale depression. Your husband is worried about this ramification. I believe that these dreams are a way for your subconscious to work through the various aspects of the relationship with your friend -- guilt, sadness, happiness, remorse, anger...it is all there. Perhaps your psyche is clinging to the dreams because this is in essence what you have left of this person. Do you truly believe that your friend would want you to spend your life grieving for him? I think not. One of the first parts of the healing process is to *want* to be healed. You must allow yourself to be happy again in order to move past your grief.

It is weird but you may still get reoccuring dreams long long after an event has passed. It is amazing how our mind will rehash things over and over until it is satisfied that a lesson has been learned or that some point has been communicated. The dreamtime seems not to be on the same timeline as realtime. Take care.