Make this dream stop!

[Kate989589]

My ex and I split over 5 years ago, it was a violent relationship, where he mentally and physically abused me, needless to say i despise this guy.

In my dream, im still besotted with him, and he's usually trying or has started a relationship with my younger sister who's now 18 ( and is always 18 in my dream). She refuses to listen to me and always tells me that im mad/crazy and just jealous that they are together, that he wouldnt hurt her. I feel more upset that he's leaving me for her than i do that they are together! So i feel like im not protecting her like I should!

They happen every other night for months at a time, then stop and start again and have for the last 5 years. I have a wonderful partner and a happy secure relationship now for the last year, why am i dreaming i want to be back with that monster? I read somewhere that i have to confront the emotions in waking life to get them to stop, do i need a consellor maybe? They have to stop, i wake up crying and in a cold sweat and usually resenting my partner. (which dies pretty quick once i realise im awake)

I hate recurring nightmares!

[Lala6179]

Hello,

I'm sorry to hear that you went through this abuse. I was married once before to an abusive alcoholic for 10 yrs. I've been with my second husband longer than the first now (17 yrs) and my first marriage still haunts me at times. The only suggestion I have for you is to TRY and forgive him (and yourself) and I should say first and foremost seek out the Lord, and talk to him. Seeking out professional help is also advised for anyone who's been abused. I think its also normal to put up walls with your new partner, sort of a self-defense thing. Abuse destroys your self confidence and self esteem too. Its a hard thing to get over, but in time it WILL ease. Forgiving doesn't mean you'll forget, but you need to move on and learn to love yourself again,which isn't always easy! I understand! Take care and say your prayers... Laura

[Minaker]

Hi, Kate. I'm not sure if all that Bible-thumping in the other two responses is quite the answer you're looking for. To answer your question about whether you need a counselor, that may well be the case if these nightmares are disturbing you so greatly. Sadly, it's not uncommon for women to become emotionally attached to an abusive partner, although the reasons for doing so are too complex for an amateur like me to delve into. However, the answer to your question of why you dream about wanting to be back with "the monster" could mean simply that, regardless of the success of your current relationship, at least a part of you wishes that the earlier one had worked out better. I think that's the most obvious answer, although if it doesn't feel right to you, then maybe it's time to start exploring the more complex issues I alluded to earlier.

However, here is one interpretation of your dream that might intrigue you. I once read a theory that, in a dream, all characters represent the dreamer herself. Now, nine times out of ten, I don't think this is true, but I believe such an interpretation CAN be true, and if applied to your recurring dream, it does make a kind of sense. Your mixed feelings about your ex becomes mixed feelings about yourself; the different aspects of his character -- whether he's abusive, sweet, etc. -- represent different aspects of your own personality, namely your own strengths and weaknesses, ESPECIALLY in reference to how you treat yourself. And your sister represents you too; you're frustrated that you can't follow your own advice sometimes (such as all those times when you told yourself to leave an abusive relationship, but for a long time, you didn't).

Maybe all of that is just a little too neat. Take it as you will. Either way, I offered you two interpretations for the price of one! What a bargain!

[Pmartinez]

Hello Kate

I sense in your dream guilt and control. This person ever tried anything with your sister? Somehow, I feel guilt in your story, I believe that in your dreams your sister plays a different role, I sense from whatever little information I can gather that your "dream sister" is your unconscious mind is a mixture of guilt and fear. You are constantly replaying that abusive relationship perhaps out of guilt for allowing that person to take such control on your life. It will be interesting to know if you have other symptoms while you are awake: mood changes, fears, physiological changes, etc.

The reason I ask is because I suspect PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), in which case the only way it will go away is by seeking help with a professional. PTSD, is a very disturbing condition, I know that from my own experience is devastating, and will take control of your life destroying everything around you.

If I can get more information, perhaps I will be able to respond better to your dream. Just remember, that only you have control over your life and you have the RIGHT to be happy.

Take care
Pmartínez