Reoccuring dream- brother

[nymadisonavenue]

I have dreams off and on about my "brother", he is always older than me, and I feel such a strong connection to him in my dream. I have dreampt of him maybe 3 or 4 times before, and it's always just about us being close and bonding.

Well, least night in my dream my mom told me that she actually did give birth to a boy before I was born, and that I was too young to remember that I had a brother because he died when he was 10 or so and I was 4. I don't remember how she said that he died, I think he had a disease.

Anyway, in my dream I was visiting them for Christmas when she told me, we were packing up the car to go to a party and she just told me this story about "my brother".

Not sure if this makes any difference but:

My mom had an abortion about 2 years before I was born. The doctor told her that it was in her best interest to get one because he believed it was an ectopic pregnancy and this was before bleeding during pregnancy was considered relatively normal. She has always regretted it as she was a newlywed to my dad at the time and wanted the baby. I have always felt a very strange force around me, when I was 18 I had this overwhelming feeling that I missed somebody so strongly and they missed me, but I didn't know who or why I felt that way. (Weird, I know.) I have thought alot about how my life would be different with a brother and I always dream that his name is "Michael", my dad's name.

I'm so confused about what all of this means. Any help???

Thanks!!!